Marriage Monday: Jennifer's Guest Post - Becoming a Wife

September 17th of this year, my husband LT and I will be married two years.  It seems like yesterday I was putting on my wedding gown and preparing to walk down the isle and begin the next chapter of my life.  It was a day that will always be in my memory.  It was perfect.  The weather, the ceremony, the reception.  I couldn't have asked for a better day.


Planning our perfect day was all but perfect.  We got engaged in December of 2010 and decided on a date of early November the following year.  We set the date and started planning right away.  Everything was going great until early January 2011.  LT found out some of the worst news of his life.  His father had stage 4 melanoma.


After a few months of treatment that didn't seem to be working, the doctors decided that he only had about 6 months to live, so we did what we thought was right and moved up the wedding date.  What I thought was about a year to plan quickly turned in to about 6 months.  To say that I was stressed was an understatement.  As much as I wanted to be excited about planning my wedding, I wasn't.  In the back of my mind I knew that my soon to be father-in-law probably wouldn't be there to see his oldest son become a husband.


It was the hardest few months of my life.  I had to become a wife before I was actually a wife.  The majority of our time was spent traveling back and forth to Kentucky to spend time with his dad.  So not only was I planning a wedding, but I was also having to quickly learn how to be a wife and be there for my soon-to-be husband during one of the hardest things he would ever have to go through.  It was painful to see my husband so hurt.


In June of that year his father went to be with the Lord.  It was difficult and a relief all at the same time.  His dad wasn't suffering anymore, but now we were devastated.  How was I supposed to finish planning this wonderful day of ours, when my husband was so hurt?  I had so many mixed emotions.


Finishing up the wedding plans was so hard.  But when the day finally came, I felt I could breathe a little easier.  All those hard months of planning had paid off.  I was about to marry my husband.


Yesterday was not only father's day, but also the 2 year anniversary of my father in laws death.  I think it was more difficult for me than it was for my husband.  I was scared to death to even mention the word "father" yesterday.  But I'm so proud of my husband because he did great.


So where am I going with this?  Becoming a wife was a difficult process for me.  I had to learn how to be a wife before I was actually a "wife".  But do we ever get to that point where we are the perfect wife?  We never do.  Like marriage, being a wife is never a perfect job.  It constantly takes work.  Here are a few tips that I have written down that really help me understand what is means to be a wife:


Get your priorities straight.  This is the most important tip.  Always put God as your number one and your husband as your number two.  Yes this means that your children come third.  I know that will cause an uproar with some people, but it's true.  And that's not my rule it's God's.  Once you get your priorities in order, things will start to fall into place.


Keep your promise.  Marriage is not just an agreement or a contract.  It's a promise.  A promise to you, your husband and to God.  A promise that is not to be broken.  It's a promise that takes work, and we must remember that God is not going to put anything in front of us that we can't handle.  


Make your husband happy.  This is a big one girls.  Remember, your husband comes before yourself.  Think about what makes your husband happy.  Do things for him.  It doesn't have to be big things.  It's usually the little things that mean the most.  My husband loves to play golf, I'm not a big fan, but every once in a while I'll go with him and it thrills him.


Don't talk bad about him.  Let's be honest.  Our husbands drive us nuts sometimes.  It's easy to have a girl's night and bash our husbands over a few glasses of wine, but it's wrong.  I will be the first to admit that I'm guilty of doing this.  We all are.  Let's make a promise to ourselves to work on this one.  Praise your husbands.  Think about it this way, God is our number one, but what would he think if  we bashed him everytime we got together with our friends?

Be honest with him.  If you don't like something tell him.  Communicate with him.  Tell him how you feel.  Your husband is your best friend, and you should be able to tell him anything.


Have fun with him.  Laugh with your husband.  Having fun with him is so important.  Be goofy, and silly!  God loves to see you happy.

Pray for him.  You should do this everyday, multiple times a day.  As the head of the household, your husband needs prayer.  

Being a wife takes work.  It's not something that comes natural to anybody.  Make yourself a promise today to become a better wife.  To become a Godly wife. 

xoxo,

Jennifer

Jennifer's Blog:  Sweet Southern Wife
As you may have already established, Jennifer is a wife - but she is also a mama to her two fur-babies, Zoe & Tucker.  She's from North Carolina and blogs about life as a Christian as well as everyday happenings with her husband.  Right away after stumbling upon her blog, I knew I had to ask her to guest blog for the marriage series!  Jennifer is so easy to relate to and has such a great sense of humor.  Not only that, but she takes her marriage seriously and their relationship is a priority - both things that would allow her to gain experience and knowledge that would be wonderful to share with all of us!  Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer!  You're most welcome back anytime.

$.99 Photo Book Deal!

I've been meaning to write this blog for some time now but just kept pushing it off my agenda!  So finally, I'm writing about it!  I recently found an awesome website I hadn't heard of before, ArtsCow, and basically it is a place where you can create personalized photo gifts.  So, why am I posting about this?  Well, if you know me, you know I just really cannot pass up a good deal and this deal was GREAT!  It was a 7x5 hardbound photo book for $1.99 (which is normally $8.99, I believe) plus free shipping.  After creating my photo book, I got an even BETTER deal for the same book (or the 6x6 size) for $.99 plus free shipping!  AND, the good news is, multiple people can redeem this deal (but only once per account)!  So naturally, I wanted to share it with all my friends and fellow bloggers.

The book I made the first time around were pages from my blog!  I've been wanting to get my blog preserved in print and I figured why not now?  If I continue to make them from books this size it will be a tedious task - but holy moly, the book turned out GREAT.  The next book I plan to make and order from ArtsCow will be a personalized ABC book for Presley with pictures of family, friends, and places we've been.

Here's the info for the $.99 personalized photo book deal:

Unique Code: FriendsOfAli

Expiration Date: Jun 30, 2013

And here are some quick photos of the book I made:

Here is a picture of one of the pages - the photos turned out great, too!

This is the cover - so happy with the way it turned out!

And here is a picture of the spine. ArtsCow offers a ton of neat fonts which is one of my favorite ways to personalize things like this!

I hope you guys are able to use this great deal - if you do, come back and let me know what you made and how it turned out!

Marriage Monday: Our Very Best Marital Advice!

I got some really great advice from one of my favorite professors while I studied at WIU.  Upon congratulating me on my engagement, he told me to make weekly date night a priority in our marriage (especially after having children).  For at least one night out of the week, get out of your normal routine.  Whether that is going out or doing something different at home.  How wonderful is that?  It might not sound revolutionary to some folks, but at this point in my life and my marriage, it totally makes sense.  Regularly reconnecting with each other is so important.

My professor also suggested NOT making movie-going an option for the weekly date night because you end up spending two hours sitting side-by-side staring at a screen... not talking and not even looking at one another!  If you go out to dinner, you are forced to look at each other and talk!  I thought the recommendation was great and as a result, we have gone to fewer and fewer dates to the movie theater since getting that advice. 

But you know what?  I realized recently that Tony and I are movie people!  In our history, we have always gone to movies together.  We bond over our favorite movie franchises and favorite actors - and after our date night the other night (went to see Fast & Furious 6!) we talked more enthusiastically after the movie than if we would have gone to dinner!  And I loved it.  Another thing I loved about our most recent date?  We cut the bullshit.  No makeup & sweatpants for me and hoodies for both of us.  We rushed out of the house without worrying about any of it - just EXCITED to be going on a date and taking a breather as just the two of us for a few hours.  Don't get me wrong, there is a time and place for getting dolled and fancied up for a special occasion or date night with your significant other, but it was also so great to just be us.  I don't remember the last date we took together and while I'm perfectly 100% happy with the choices we've made, it also made me really happy we were able to bust out!  We really should do that more often.  And to make dating each other a priority.

So, I think if I could give a useful piece of advice to newlyweds, that would be something I would advise.  And it got me thinking how much each of us really has to share with the world.  I asked some of my marriage-minded friends for some marital advice and this is what I came up with...

"The best advice I've gotten is that a marriage is a work. It may not be glamorous or romantic, yet it is so true. We have known too many couples that end up getting divorced within a few years after getting married. We feel that too many married couples forget that a marriage takes a lot of patience, sweat, and persistence so they give up when they hit a hard spot, and end their marriage. A marriage is not meant to be easy. If it is always easy then we won't thrive as individuals, and as a couple, and learn how to love each other even in hard times."

 --Ashley R., 28, married two years.

"Lee Brice said it best: Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse 'I love you'. Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense. Never let your praying knees get lazy, and love like crazy!"

 --Jaime, 25

"The other day my boyfriend and I were at my parents’ house and I got rather snippy with him about something dumb, but something I had asked him not to do a few times before. When he left the kitchen, my dad looked at me and said 'Don’t sweat the small stuff babe. All that is, is little things. Life is going to seem a whole lot longer and tougher for you two if ya keep that up...' and he is SO right! I keep going back to that advice when I want to be annoyed or want to correct him. Josh is an AMAZING man, why bring him down about dumb things that mean nothing compared to us?

The advice came from my father who has been with my mother for 36 years I think they know what they are doing!"

 --Jess, 23

"It's so important for both spouses to go into marriage believing that it is a forever commitment. We've been married 2 1/2 years, and already there have been times where our faith, endurance, and belief in each other have been tested. When it comes down to it, almost anything can be 'divorce-worthy'. But when you approach marriage truly believing that divorce is not an option, it changes the way you view things. When a person is at their most unlovable state, that's when they need your love the most.

Also, find your spouse's 'love language' and try to speak it (from the book by Gary Chapman). If words of affirmation make your spouse feel most loved, try to show your love by regularly using words that will build him/her up and avoiding ones that don't. The same idea goes for the other 4 love languages.

Build trust by doing what you say you'll do."

 --Amanda, 28, married 2 years.

"Honesty is the best policy. We are always brutally honest to each other. We never keep secrets or hide things from each other. If you want a marriage to work, you got to be honest 100% with each other, and not afraid to tell the person how your feel."

 --Megan, 29, married 4 years.

"Marry your best friend, learn to compromise, and never go to bed mad at each other."

 --Jamei, 30, married 7 years.

"Do not use your wife's brand new decorative towels to clean up paint. Sorry, I had to!!!"

  --Reanna, married 2 years.

"No matter how many times you ask them, they will ALWAYS throw their dirty clothes next to the basket. Don't even waste the energy asking them to pick them up."

 --Ashley N., 27, married 7 years.

"Communicate at all times and try to use a calm tone. (Definitely hard sometimes but it takes practice!) I've found throughout my husband's deployments that writing letters to each other is fun and an easy way to get what you need to say, out. Give yourselves time to miss each other. If you work opposite shifts, try to grab lunch together so you can at least have one meal/alone time together a day or more often during the week. I have found that trying to catch up on the weekends isn't enough so make sure you equally make an effort to spend time with each other, even if it is only for a little while. Work out/stay active and eat healthy together! You will feel better physically and mentally, and you can both work out any frustrations in the meantime (and if you're upset with each other it's a good excuse to not "talk" and just run or lift it out!) Love each other deeply in the toughest of times, and have both of you place your spouse's needs before you’re own and you will never fail."

 --Nicole, 22, married 8 months.  (Been through almost two deployments now.)

"Communicate no matter how uncomfortable or unsavory the topic may be, always find time for date nights and special little trips alone without the kids, and find things you love to do in common. I always hated the idea of watching football because all the rules confused me. But when my husband told me how important it was to him that I watch a game with him, I caved. Now I love it! Yet another little 'date' we can have. Never fight about disciplining the kids in front of anyone. And I know this piece of advice may be a tad controversial, but it's honest. Sex is SO important in a marriage. My mother gave me this advice long ago and it has served me well. It doesn't matter if he took out the garbage that day, or catered to your ego, or if you 'have a headache', or you're just not feeling it that night. Do it. Even if you just had the worst fight ever. It will reconnect you. It will soften you to listen to your husband's side of an argument. It will make you a more confident woman which makes you better in your job, as a mother, in life in general. And if you aren't doing it ladies, I hate to say it, but someone else will. So get your groove on and do it regularly!! I listened to my mother and I am a happier woman for it! And I am more in love with him now than I ever have been. Oh, and a little counseling never hurt anyone. I believe everyone in the world could use a little tweak here and there. It's a lot of work, marriage. But when you're hurting, or angry, you have to ask yourself this question. Would you rather spend your life with your spouse when it's at its worst rather than spend a day without them? My answer has always been a resounding yes. Sometimes it took someone else to help me see that, but then the work to get back to the good place in your relationship isn't so hard if you know that you wouldn't ever want to be without them."

 --Christi, 38, married 19 years. 

Happy Marriage Monday and a special thank you to everyone who contributed their advice - your words will help bless other marriages!  What is the BEST words of wisdom you've ever gotten on how to make a marriage work?

Currently {link-up} x9

This weeks prompts are {coveting, imagining, asking, saving for, fearing}

I am currently

Coveting...  Those with bigger houses.  I just feel like we are constantly exploding at the seams here!  Even before we had Presley, this house would have been small for just the two of us.  It's smaller than the apartment we had together.  (Though, I will never regret getting the heck out of there when we did.  It was definitely the right move to leave.)  We make it work.  But I can't help but wonder if and how life would be easier if we had enough space.  Or even just a family table.  Or a dishwasher.  Or a workable kitchen space.  But it's important to realize we have a safe place to raise Presley, a roof over our head, and above all we are in good health.  So much to be grateful for, always.

Imagining...  the beach.  I can't wait for our trip to Florida in July!  Now that most of the planning is behind us, I am just ready to go.  I can't wait to see Presley's reaction to sand and the sea!  I'm also excited to be with Tony in the same place where he proposed.  I'm ready to see my Gramma again and to be around family we only get to see a few times a year.  I can't wait to visit our favorite spots.  It'll be so so so great to have an extended getaway as a little family.

Asking...  God for direction in our life.  We are coming up on some big life decisions for our family (like, where in the HECK are we going to raise this family of ours?) and I am longing for the peace of putting my life in the Lord's gentle hold.  I'm not expecting Him to make the moves for us and I'm not expecting Him to seek out opportunities for us - those are both things we are going to be doing - but I am in need to hand my worries over.  I just wish I knew which way would be best for us... I wish I knew how the decisions we make in these moments would affect us in the long term... but I know it's better for us to not know those things beforehand.  The only way to move forward in this case is to head straight through the thick of it.

Saving for...  Well, I wish we were doing better about saving our money right now.  Because theoretically we would be saving up for our first home.  Not that we know where or when that'll be... but we do know it's on the horizon for us.  We are saving spare change in a jug for a future family trip to Disney World.  At this rate we should be able to afford a trip by 2020....

Fearing...  That we will never actually take the next leap we need to make.  I just want to make a decision.  I don't want to stay in the Quad Cities out of default... but if we make the decision to stay here, that would be different.  I also fear we won't find job opportunities in Tennessee.  We have family in all parts of the state, so that is where we are hoping to move because we want to be back in the south and even more we want to be around family there (and away from the snow/extended winter months).  But considering that my sisters are both at similar points in there lives - they don't have deep roots in the cities in which they live and therefore could move elsewhere for better opportunities.  That makes it hard to choose a place for US to put down roots.  Do we choose to live near the family we miss and risk that not working out after all?  Do we go purely where the best job opportunities are?  It's hard to say.  I guess more than anything - more than fearing we'll make the wrong choice - I fear that we will fail to make any choice at all.


In other news....

This past weekend one of my little cousins, Drew, graduated from high school.  I lived with Drew & the rest of his family for the last year I was in high school & my first year of college.  Those two years bonded me so close to Drew & his brother Ryan (and my aunt and uncle).  They have always been my family and continue to be - but I just can't describe how living with them and seeing them every day changed my relationship with each of them.  I do know that Drew is one of the funniest and sweetest people that I'm so lucky to know.  He's going to do amazing things and I just hope that I can still be a part of his life after he leaves the Quad Cities.  His graduation didn't really make me emotional whatsoever - I guess I always feel so preoccupied in keeping Presley calm and happy during things like graduations so I didn't really get to think about the impact of the day until later on.  Actually, the first time I really THOUGHT about it was when Drew stepped in the middle of Ryan and I for this picture and I felt my head rest on his shoulder.  MY head on HIS shoulder... what?!  I tell Drew & Ryan ALL the time I still see them as being 8 & 10.  And it totally and completely hit me here that he is 18 and growing up into a man!  I just started to tear up and had to really hold back from full on crying!  (It's amazing what becoming a mom does to you... aka, an emotional mess at times!!!)  Drew - I don't anticipate you reading this anytime soon, but if you ever do - I hope you know I love you so much and I am genuinely so incredibly proud of you.

Just for reference - here are some pictures of me & Drew over the years.  The top two pictures are me holding Drew when he was just a little baby!  The bottom left is a picture from the time that I lived with Drew and the bottom right is when I graduated with my associates degree in May 2009 - the same spot that we took the picture from Drew's graduation this past weekend.  Just seeing how much Drew & Ryan have grown in the past four years absolutely blows my mind.

 

Happy birthday to my fantastic, super-dad husband, Tony!  His 28th birthday was a few days ago and it was such a great day... not many of those awesome days come along where everything seems to go right (even when it goes wrong) and it made me fall more in love with him and my daughter.  Thanks for being exactly who you are to us and for always having the best interest of our family at heart.  You amaze me everyday!

Tuesday's Topics: Eight Goals.

08.  Get to the gym at LEAST every other day.  I just {finally} committed to the gym and I absolutely NEED and want to use it as much as is realistically possible.  I am just absolutely saddened when I look at myself in the mirror and to be honest, I don't even recognize myself in pictures.  I completed day one of c25k yesterday at the gym and it is MUCH harder than I remember.  But I did it.  And I hope to keep at it for the remainder of the program... even if I need to repeat every week twice - I am going to finish!

07.  Cut pop out of my diet.  I don't want to buy ANY more of that crap because I will drink it if it is in the house.  This includes picking up $1 Cokes at McDonalds.  It's gotta stop.  I got to the point where I didn't even drink pop very often and then it picked up to drinking one can a day and now sometimes I'll drink two a day!!!  I just don't want to ruin my teeth and I definitely don't want to pack on empty calories!  So I'm setting a goal to start cutting it out this month because we should run out of Coke & Dr Pepper from our stash here soon-ish.  And thank God, Tony is on board.  So Mom, if you're reading this - you should totally try to slowly cut Coke out of your diet this month too!  (We can do it!!)

06.  Deep clean the house - starting with OUR bedroom.  We are not staying in this temporary (rental) home forever and no matter where we end up choosing to move, it's important to purge a lot of our unused belongings!  I also would love to go to bed each night in a non-chaotic room.  If we start with our room hopefully we will be able to continue into each room until the whole house is done.

05.  Donate blood!  As some of you may already know, one of the things I am really looking forward to crossing off our summer bucket list is donating blood with Tony for the first time.  I am so anxious to (try) to donate and really, really want to hit that goal this month!  Even if I have to literally drag Tony to get it done, I totally will...

04.  Get back into reading books regularly.  I was really on a roll there for a while and was reading one book after the other but then I just hit a wall.  I wanted to keep reading the Hunger Games over and over and over again because they were seriously THAT good.  And then the 3rd time reading the books (in a row, mind you...) I stopped partway through the first one.  I have a whole list of wonderful books I'd like to read but I still wouldn't mind reading this series one more time.  Either way, I'd just like to start reading again.

03.  STOP EATING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.  I am such a night owl and I love it - I honestly do.  I love my quiet alone time.  It is peaceful and therapeutic.  One awful thing about it is snacking throughout the night.  I am going to put an end to this.

02.  Get more totes for Presley's clothes.  Whether they are clothes she's grown out of or clothes she doesn't fit into yet, we've run out of space to store the clothes Presley isn't currently wearing.  I'd like to get them out of the way this month.  (Aren't we fortunate to have the problem of having too many clothes for her?  Hand-me-downs have just saved our bank account and have really & truly blessed our lives so much.)

01.  Attend church regularly.  I miss being in mass and more specifically I really miss Christ the King and our Saturday nights at church!  It seems like there is always SOMETHING getting in the way of attending each week (late nap, bad mood baby, etc.) but I just feel like I'm to the point where none of those excuses matter... I'm ready to attend church even if my child squirms and cries and all of that mess.  How will she ever get used to it if we never go?  Plus, I'm just looking for that peace in my life that I can get no where else than from above.

What are eight goals you've set yourself for the month of June?