tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83596472829483462202024-03-20T10:08:13.343-05:00Chasing Moonlight and RosesA mother and wife's blog about finding the joy in parenting and family life.Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.comBlogger405125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-52847272478358254032021-12-17T04:14:00.007-06:002021-12-17T11:12:30.601-06:00Words Fail.<div class="separator">After my dad died my family's life was flipped upside down. Mine. My sisters. My mom's life. And it took a long time for things to get back on track. While things were off track they got really bad. And while I feel some ownership to mention it because it's my story, it's not<i> just</i> my story to tell. But what I will say is that I felt unable to be held by my mom for a time while she dealt with the blows life was giving her. </div><p>And do you know what? God is good. Even in the worst of times. He really is. God sent me the Jones family. God sent me Peyton Jones who became my best friend. One of the blessings that came along with Peyton was his mom, Leslie. And thank the Lord. That family came in when I needed them the most. They showed up and <i>never left</i>. I came to find that Leslie had the biggest heart. (If any one of her people loved you then <b>she</b> loved you.) And do you know what? She held me when my mom couldn't. That was huge. It's everything. She opened her arms, her house, her family to my sister and I time and time again and that's not something I could forget or ever begin to repay over the course of twenty years. To be honest, twenty is just a fraction of the time I thought I'd have with her. Leslie was barely 56. I thought I'd have more time. More time for everything. To let her know how loved she was. To let her know how irreplaceable she was. To let her know how special she was. To be there for her. To repay her. To show up for her and never leave.</p><p>While I sit here feeling cheated tonight it would be unfair not to properly acknowledge what memories we did get to make. The pink Nike bra she got me for my 13th birthday that Peyton was beyond embarrassed to give me but that was actually <i>super</i> cute. Going to Damen's house before prom & Leslie loving on us and taking our prom photos that I still cherish. The New Years Eve Tony and I spent at home with Leslie and Darryl. Yelling at us to hush way too many times when we played board games at her house way too late but not going so far as to kick us out because I think she loved having all of us there. Presley getting stung by several wasps and in the middle of me freaking out Leslie turns to me and tells me I need to color my grey hairs. <span style="font-size: x-small;">😅</span> Hundreds of normal, everyday moments that we didn't catalog in any way. Birthdays, baby showers, weddings, funerals, and holidays. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhvdc_q66755k4TrXWbPZ0VJYE1Ctal3-E-93thgQdvE2og6K-N62X0UA03aZBJzk-ZqMiyrjuEaZjtK2MSuPsR4J2W6to348h96fBtiApkgZE3uaLjpn1s1f7mjTXdItvMXpeIo_38vYnAoadfK-w4GuhpUg-PHzv-ubn0_vIci0xp_AuaG48FRe9Z=s487" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="487" data-original-width="372" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhvdc_q66755k4TrXWbPZ0VJYE1Ctal3-E-93thgQdvE2og6K-N62X0UA03aZBJzk-ZqMiyrjuEaZjtK2MSuPsR4J2W6to348h96fBtiApkgZE3uaLjpn1s1f7mjTXdItvMXpeIo_38vYnAoadfK-w4GuhpUg-PHzv-ubn0_vIci0xp_AuaG48FRe9Z=s320" width="244" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjwToxT6yMg9v6x6KbG2DptO253B2VtBLz7bYzyN5C-li8mIuqpc3OXK9uR7nSD-mZNare40YDLcvSPgeLZqPq6Yqsb4f5Xt4CbeZqCy4uhcRZt80fJ6qOBbO1oYpsIFMKKVkZQdM1CsB8F3_UUuZOR-Uu91Y9qIl03lrPZRzCxqx2PfjoYmFMbJdUR=s1936" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1936" data-original-width="1089" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjwToxT6yMg9v6x6KbG2DptO253B2VtBLz7bYzyN5C-li8mIuqpc3OXK9uR7nSD-mZNare40YDLcvSPgeLZqPq6Yqsb4f5Xt4CbeZqCy4uhcRZt80fJ6qOBbO1oYpsIFMKKVkZQdM1CsB8F3_UUuZOR-Uu91Y9qIl03lrPZRzCxqx2PfjoYmFMbJdUR=s320" width="180" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhXi55zoPU5Ixf2qjvfeVGedtv_4P4lQ4-C4ai6QveTaOcyTs1f3hpZjdXDsEwb7cA4x4UE8sMQ4pedLurYAj-aoNU9LyfvpKQzABMSLbXeDzb1nIxAW87HGUh03Hx0X58jNL6vz2TU1Gs6KBdgmZNhyDUzrnp-MzFc1uPeFB-CsRaT8aZM2_OvMWUM=s960" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="528" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhXi55zoPU5Ixf2qjvfeVGedtv_4P4lQ4-C4ai6QveTaOcyTs1f3hpZjdXDsEwb7cA4x4UE8sMQ4pedLurYAj-aoNU9LyfvpKQzABMSLbXeDzb1nIxAW87HGUh03Hx0X58jNL6vz2TU1Gs6KBdgmZNhyDUzrnp-MzFc1uPeFB-CsRaT8aZM2_OvMWUM=s320" width="176" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhhXEHdv6S-ypeeK1zhvow2JNvAIXHc2hTSxnemRRDp3QQ5UXrGiZzidYozkp-lQm7BOKpLasnnaz71IwTp4eBBBx83OnekbMr-rQ2qUIEjltNYl1Utu2b2cau_kg3RO5bwBwXJ5Ue6M23STFpPVTbMU13yUOR_y29lHZZC7OudEPIf0OgvxXcrevRB=s960" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="528" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhhXEHdv6S-ypeeK1zhvow2JNvAIXHc2hTSxnemRRDp3QQ5UXrGiZzidYozkp-lQm7BOKpLasnnaz71IwTp4eBBBx83OnekbMr-rQ2qUIEjltNYl1Utu2b2cau_kg3RO5bwBwXJ5Ue6M23STFpPVTbMU13yUOR_y29lHZZC7OudEPIf0OgvxXcrevRB=s320" width="176" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg98HI8Wu5BA3BaA8D3CfKiDZa9q68IPQ-DX3vxdDPCpvGjvrPjLW3uRWPwer3n6D_eIwhPiSe8pBGMhuouQXCGSTZpMP002z6QHMoOCNAkX_x87NATdpC8VO6oasNwQQhbOB5vzqUKt6Pqj0_oSvlrpfAgSwEw8O9Go781Ey3I_sOtEXVp5KgS5Uir=s960" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="528" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg98HI8Wu5BA3BaA8D3CfKiDZa9q68IPQ-DX3vxdDPCpvGjvrPjLW3uRWPwer3n6D_eIwhPiSe8pBGMhuouQXCGSTZpMP002z6QHMoOCNAkX_x87NATdpC8VO6oasNwQQhbOB5vzqUKt6Pqj0_oSvlrpfAgSwEw8O9Go781Ey3I_sOtEXVp5KgS5Uir=s320" width="176" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgViz6bVUm1Sp7NREtorGIOcbPsWGMQljWjmffLEszHCiQGV5WUAeeD3PKHl8M_dakU8LDLqqzywqvNQ5Xu4Z4DGJG__McxyctkKPgrYnT0-pBtmXHt7L_Xi19BgbpW2rzd-OpMZP63sMtJKtmWyw7o_hVGm1kB97FEBVn_YWTZkPBecSY1uXFLoZIX=s475" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="261" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgViz6bVUm1Sp7NREtorGIOcbPsWGMQljWjmffLEszHCiQGV5WUAeeD3PKHl8M_dakU8LDLqqzywqvNQ5Xu4Z4DGJG__McxyctkKPgrYnT0-pBtmXHt7L_Xi19BgbpW2rzd-OpMZP63sMtJKtmWyw7o_hVGm1kB97FEBVn_YWTZkPBecSY1uXFLoZIX=s320" width="176" /></a></div><p>Tony and I both know her as our second mom because that is exactly what she was to us. (And Darryl a second dad.) And then when our kids came along she became their unofficial Granny Leslie. All three of our kids loved her but Molly just always gravitated to her and would talk about Leslie all the time! And Leslie snapped such a great photo of Molly at a time when that little girl was much more in her shell than she is these days.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEilnY5-2W18_dZ7RcVBx6OJrnYUlqqe9rhYKe1bCrPvrCpf7rVKvMQ7QD6yNZQIT_HpcPuqxuHxRZZejBqrkdlG3nXp0vpaxfYswNk5bJGTHfyOAHXTLjAnuwV4Z_JTa32UmMF9EM5vhOMsavHvPBggxE8oHYVBjKo4ihyqblyB8d5cnorJnf55wA_3=s872" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="490" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEilnY5-2W18_dZ7RcVBx6OJrnYUlqqe9rhYKe1bCrPvrCpf7rVKvMQ7QD6yNZQIT_HpcPuqxuHxRZZejBqrkdlG3nXp0vpaxfYswNk5bJGTHfyOAHXTLjAnuwV4Z_JTa32UmMF9EM5vhOMsavHvPBggxE8oHYVBjKo4ihyqblyB8d5cnorJnf55wA_3=s320" width="180" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEievhFCleVDiaMIPAYGVyMxOK2W57ZoCPd7mF5p3tOwYCYbhI1SugxfFflhs-Z15bZORe4Q2tkZi_FqCHDRViiaY7D0VTt1V8zlt3BhPICL1kioZ7K0PEmoxchcfHUr34BRYYqqWxhUQ5PNUBfOBoIvjfFgaZlrSH-zhM_PXWPWKEnAD2I-PiMEMZ-n=s1316" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1316" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEievhFCleVDiaMIPAYGVyMxOK2W57ZoCPd7mF5p3tOwYCYbhI1SugxfFflhs-Z15bZORe4Q2tkZi_FqCHDRViiaY7D0VTt1V8zlt3BhPICL1kioZ7K0PEmoxchcfHUr34BRYYqqWxhUQ5PNUBfOBoIvjfFgaZlrSH-zhM_PXWPWKEnAD2I-PiMEMZ-n=s320" width="156" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEib9Aa2IItpBWr1DG_5pWVjrgwbj61dfXpingc7zPN-4JjaWnrAWoE_Qz8RYxSvrRc-w_013wAvOufq54P3-w1zIa_X4XhANsGD4KPll7JK-NoDR3pVSIrPXm4TuMXFVMwcEKT1N1d7emD0E1PTWbBXUifOhvxwsQIRIpP-ynewcZ1h5nTCtFCztvus=s960" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="528" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEib9Aa2IItpBWr1DG_5pWVjrgwbj61dfXpingc7zPN-4JjaWnrAWoE_Qz8RYxSvrRc-w_013wAvOufq54P3-w1zIa_X4XhANsGD4KPll7JK-NoDR3pVSIrPXm4TuMXFVMwcEKT1N1d7emD0E1PTWbBXUifOhvxwsQIRIpP-ynewcZ1h5nTCtFCztvus=s320" width="176" /></a></div><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiFxdf9PhO3556Smh3RI3w0r5a2QtklIjRX4lfLnAJt9n4nRyUz5ENbbJ5Xbijv5j4cFMJ8G6U9VzQopavOeLOPryTK2hdLbleq6t9jsNLd29DQ0mnl2N3sm05NH-etuMKWbFMdE6zepz67lzYItPPiSDJRbpYRhv0Sl1ZwxCehfE0r4CkLfBM42Xsd=s1080" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiFxdf9PhO3556Smh3RI3w0r5a2QtklIjRX4lfLnAJt9n4nRyUz5ENbbJ5Xbijv5j4cFMJ8G6U9VzQopavOeLOPryTK2hdLbleq6t9jsNLd29DQ0mnl2N3sm05NH-etuMKWbFMdE6zepz67lzYItPPiSDJRbpYRhv0Sl1ZwxCehfE0r4CkLfBM42Xsd=s320" width="320" /></a></p><p>I am so grateful for this woman. Grateful for all her family that she brought into my life along with herself. Her sisters, cousins, kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews. It would be criminal to not acknowledge how much she loved her late husband, Darryl; their boys Peyton and Damen; and her grandkids Landon, Trinity, and Ryder. They lit up her life. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgEL4u-SB76RMjKPJ2PN3u3K5MyAU102zoiIMv54VhZmnzDAG0femIeQm7FTH9sXLsmyEG5McmaEQAlX4lT0FZgkmKaGN1qb-f3sjkOnIcSO1Gyu6hotBQpDR7OeKeCPEsaVgCRV_ippWdqPbpQueewr4VBSEnT8_fu4y70xMyKYctaKE-9UMKdTedb=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgEL4u-SB76RMjKPJ2PN3u3K5MyAU102zoiIMv54VhZmnzDAG0femIeQm7FTH9sXLsmyEG5McmaEQAlX4lT0FZgkmKaGN1qb-f3sjkOnIcSO1Gyu6hotBQpDR7OeKeCPEsaVgCRV_ippWdqPbpQueewr4VBSEnT8_fu4y70xMyKYctaKE-9UMKdTedb=s320" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><b><i>My tab with Leslie Jones was overdue.</i></b> It went unpaid. But to be honest, how do you repay something like that? She probably never would have let me anyways. She was a lover and a giver and she did it without strings. That was her nature. Words truly fail in this moment.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgrA89faWfpWGl507ZOIC7OQc9rleZKOM5uxuZmSoczlKY4ffCOEwA3--mNwJlOS8mE4lgACAz2M2ELfNxjjBAvop0WBWui4z6mdHCBpuEXpSbQ_cBiDIBkc7UTOxRD1C5BUHVVnd89yyyy9a28GW5bGV5RnkTJMBABAT4NVLDdKG8vx5tPzcrl5GJk=s968" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="968" data-original-width="544" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgrA89faWfpWGl507ZOIC7OQc9rleZKOM5uxuZmSoczlKY4ffCOEwA3--mNwJlOS8mE4lgACAz2M2ELfNxjjBAvop0WBWui4z6mdHCBpuEXpSbQ_cBiDIBkc7UTOxRD1C5BUHVVnd89yyyy9a28GW5bGV5RnkTJMBABAT4NVLDdKG8vx5tPzcrl5GJk=s320" width="180" /></a></div><p>Leslie, There will never be another you for any of us. We are broken because it seems impossible to say goodbye when we weren't ready. I just <i>pray</i> you knew how much you meant to me and to all of us. How much you and your unconditional love truly carried me through good and bad days. How thankful I am for all the regular moments. The ones we didn't think to keepsake. How sorry I am that I ever squandered the time we had in between. But bigger than all that is all the love we have for you.<i> Life will never be the same without you here.</i> I promise to let your love and kindness live on in me. Thank you for every bit that you shared with me, taught me, gave me, showed me. I will never forget it.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiN2LRjCQ0zccodqJUCy7YoftcrpHKyqlWYIVHOs2CanGRfzwKJEbrtOvJzgSVTtscclj5y5LmTJtmMhv_4TSSiqiVM9j3tX4cwO8uheLW8GxJCkyONp-V4EvibhPkg6L31EB-czcT8i06gj0g2S_4rkWftteDuh9L91MWZO9sbFLx9BMdyfA0DViUM=s400" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="234" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiN2LRjCQ0zccodqJUCy7YoftcrpHKyqlWYIVHOs2CanGRfzwKJEbrtOvJzgSVTtscclj5y5LmTJtmMhv_4TSSiqiVM9j3tX4cwO8uheLW8GxJCkyONp-V4EvibhPkg6L31EB-czcT8i06gj0g2S_4rkWftteDuh9L91MWZO9sbFLx9BMdyfA0DViUM=s320" width="187" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh_ETiET_sitajZJWj-5HVVLdZ61D4-AR5zTCvBJCyALBaFYF6DLCCOpQOj1Zty4KK1jFoeWipimsTTeJG0-K5jIT7KP6yYh5RlmHHGeynPoPyISR5ZKAxWf9BuSYAJGO2vHUxw2SNh61sa7e39cbwoDu8GOwes9hr8gSpgtnU9QBhRkCxwLIvPLi8J=s2068" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2068" data-original-width="1125" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh_ETiET_sitajZJWj-5HVVLdZ61D4-AR5zTCvBJCyALBaFYF6DLCCOpQOj1Zty4KK1jFoeWipimsTTeJG0-K5jIT7KP6yYh5RlmHHGeynPoPyISR5ZKAxWf9BuSYAJGO2vHUxw2SNh61sa7e39cbwoDu8GOwes9hr8gSpgtnU9QBhRkCxwLIvPLi8J=s320" width="174" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div>Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-4689597868708957932020-02-21T15:23:00.003-06:002020-02-21T15:58:26.463-06:00Closing THAT Door.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Every single time that we've been in the thick of the newborn phase I have begged Tony to PROMISE me that we won't do this again. Yes... even with our first kid. The exhaustion outweighed the preciousness for me. It didn't negate the beauty of it all. But the beauty didn't take away the need for sleep either.<br />
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After our second kid, Tony thought we were <i>really</i> done. The spinal fluid leak issue I experienced certainly added to that for him. And again, the newborn phase that was chock full of sleep deprivation, I thought I was done, too. But then magically around the one year postpartum mark after having Molly, the baby fever started up again like it did around the same time frame after having Presley, too.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can you blame me?!</td></tr>
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I really had to talk Tony into trying for a third kid. But eventually he got on board. Even before baby #3 came, we pretty much decided this was it because we thought that would be the most responsible choice financially moving forward for our family. And then in the thick of the newborn phase and perhaps the worst of the sleep deprivation we'd experienced yet, I really pushed for Tony to have a vasectomy. Because I was <u>done</u>. He was done. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">{<a href="http://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/search/label/Reasons%20I%20Love%20My%20Husband" target="_blank">Reason #16 I love my husband</a>: He was absolutely okay with going through with any potential pain from a vasectomy because he acknowledged the sacrifices and hardships I endured while bringing our children into the world. He looked at it as his contribution... this was something he could do for us.}</span><br />
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And so, he had one. The procedure was really simple and they even let me watch! It was fascinating and a little thrilling to be on THIS side of it all. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(I was always the one on the table in stirrups with Tony watching and vowing to take care of me afterward.)</span> I was FULLY prepared to tell Tony to SUCK IT UP because this was <i>surely</i> going to be a painless procedure and I'd had THREE KIDS and this was nothing in comparison. But as I watched it happen I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO PASS OUT AND THROW UP ON THE WAY DOWN. It did NOT look painless. So... if you find yourself in my spot then I actually do suggest watching your husband have his vasectomy because I did not pass out or throw up AND most importantly I was so much more understanding, empathetic, and compassionate to the pain that Tony was in afterward. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Of course also a nice reminder that measuring pains is stupid! Pain is pain!)</span> Just like that we decided we were done and we closed the door on having more kids.<br />
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And for a while I was okay with that. Until I wasn't. I think we even talked about the fact that this would likely happen... that as time went on I'd open my heart back up to having more and that we'd better go ahead with the vasectomy BEFORE it got to that. And man, there have been some times where I've just felt heartbroken over it. How I wish we could have another. How I wish I wouldn't have insisted on it. And honestly I wonder if that'll ever fully go away. It's gotten better but part of me still wants to have and hold another baby of ours.<br />
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For the first time I stopped to think of something today. Tony and I have been married for 8.5 years now and<b> LITERALLY</b> EVERY BIT OF IT I have been pregnant OR breastfeeding. 100% of our marriage has been about building and growing our family. Nearly nine years of my life has been dedicating my body to that dream.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Yep, got pregnant on the honeymoon. Oh yeah, I'm still breastfeeding Crosby. I've whittled it down to just once in the morning after he wakes up/while I'm still waking up. If it was up to Crosby he'd still be breastfeeding morning/noon/night. Yes, he is three years old. No, I did not intend to breastfeed this long. Yes, this is the longest one of my children has ever breastfed. Yes, I'm a little sensitive to negative comments about it. No, I do not intend to breastfeed until he's school aged. And as always I'm absolutely open to talking about it if anyone has any questions!) </span><br />
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So while I really do think part of my melancholy about not being able to have any more children is truly over the fact that I <i>really</i> would enjoy loving and raising another baby of Tony and mine... maybe it's also the unease of closing the door on this huge, life-altering chapter of my life. And back at the time of Tony's vasectomy, I didn't stop to reflect on how I would feel about it all at this point. Or maybe I thought I'd finally feel okay about being done having kids. But so far, I'm not feeling peace in our decision. I'm trying to navigate my own feelings and balance them with the feelings of my husband as well as the reality of what's best for our family.<br />
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So, our door is closed.<br />
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Both my home and heart are full. So many days I question how I am even going to be a good mom to the three kids I have today. And some days my heart aches for the kids I'd still love to know. I'm grateful for my husband who meets me where I am that day and loves me through everything marriage and parenthood and life in general has tossed our way. I'm looking forward to taking better care of this body that has put in so much work and seen a lot of transformations over these last 8.5 years.<br />
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I'm hopeful for this new chapter. For our marriage and for our family. And I'm grateful we get to navigate it together.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-24279571793300029232020-02-13T00:00:00.000-06:002020-02-13T00:00:00.127-06:00One Lifelong Dream {thursday thoughts}<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I started this <b>{Thursday Thoughts}</b> blog series <u>three and a half</u> years ago. And the latest entry? Yeah... I wrote that over a year ago. Mostly because I really don't write much anymore. Another big reason is because this last blog is so daunting. Name a lifelong dream. How do I begin to breathe life into something so big when so much of myself has been carved out when I became a mom. <i>Gutted</i>. To make room for the wants and needs of the others I helped bring into this world. I'm aware that it doesn't have to be this way but for me, it's just my reality. And I feel ashamed of it. Which is why I've put off this last one. BUT. I don't like to leave things unfinished... so here we go.<br />
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Here are the first nine of them:</div>
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<a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/06/ten-things-that-make-you-happy-thursday.html" target="_blank">ten</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/07/nine-pictures-of-us-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">nine</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/07/8-goals-for-august-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">eight</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/08/7-things-about-my-family-thursday.html" target="_blank">seven</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/08/six-products-i-love-pregnancy-edition.html" target="_blank">six</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/09/five-books-ive-read-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">five</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/09/4-songs-with-special-meaning-thursday.html" target="_blank">four</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/12/3-tv-shows-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">three</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2018/11/two-places-ive-traveled-thursday.html" target="_blank">two</a></div>
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Two of the biggest dreams I had for my life for as long as I can remember were to get married to someone I loved so deeply and to have babies. I don't really remember how many kids I envisioned for my life but three makes sense. I came from a family of three kids and several families in my extended family had three babies as well. As some of you may know I've got a <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/p/before-baby-comes.html" target="_blank">bucket list</a> on my blog as well that I chip away at every so often. Things like visit Times Square for New Years Eve, plant a flower & veggie garden, get tickets to a live taping of the Ellen show, etc. Many of them are "little" things. Or things that were important to me a long time ago that almost just feel like they don't fit me anymore.<br />
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I feel like this one lifelong dream has to be something big and sentimental or else it will seem superficial. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(That I would feel superficial.)</span> I could easily say one of the bigger things from my list like writing my own book series or going back to college for an additional degree. And while those are dreams of mine I wouldn't necessarily say they're something I feel super passionately for at this point in my life. But there is something I have felt ultra passionate about for as long as I can remember and continue to this day. I'll give you one guess.<br />
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Did you say <b>DISNEY</b>? Because if you did... you probably know me in real life or we've been friends for a while.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The first Disney Park we visited on our honeymoon in 2011 -- Magic Kingdom</td></tr>
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<b>I think the dream of working for Disney or visiting <u>ALL</u> of the Disney Parks would qualify as a lifelong dream of mine.</b> I'd like to visit the parts of the world where each Disney Park is, too, so it really works out well.<br />
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Disneyland Resort -- Anaheim, California<br />
<strike>Walt Disney World Resort</strike> -- Orlando, Florida<br />
Tokyo Disney Resort -- Tokyo, Japan<br />
Disneyland Paris -- Paris, France<br />
Hong Kong Disneyland Resort -- Hong Kong, China<br />
Shanghai Disney Resort -- Shanghai, China</blockquote>
So far I'm 1/6 and looking at my life now, both dreams feel a little impossible.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The second Disney Park we visited on our honeymoon in 2011 -- Animal Kingdom</td></tr>
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I'm so grateful my husband is crazy in the same way that I am -- we both <b>love</b> all things Disney. I'm so happy I got to be with him when he experienced his first Disney Park and I hope we get to experience the rest of them together. And now we are raising some next generation Disney addicts... our kids have the same love for all things Disney that we do! I know that this lifelong dream seems really surface-level to a great many people. And perhaps it is. But it's something that brings us so much<i> joy</i>. It's the going on adventures and making memories. It's the having so much fun being kids together with each other and with our own children. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(And our in-laws on our last two trips!) </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hollywood Studios on our honeymoon in 2011</td></tr>
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We've talked about moving to Florida near Walt Disney World. Or at least closer. It would be extremely hard leaving our family here but it's something we would love to try out someday.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tony and I at EPCOT on our honeymoon in 2011</td></tr>
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While writing today it really brought to the forefront of my mind how it's not okay to put myself on the back burner the way that I do. I can be a better me and I feel like it'll help make me a better mom and wife and household manager. I hope to cross off some bucket list items this year and add some more to the bucket list, too. I think we're our best selves when we keep dreaming. It's been a while since Tony and I did some dreaming together so I think that'll be something I try to address with him this month. Put the kids to bed at a decent time and just write out some dreams for ourselves. It's something I used to prioritize on New Years Eve. We would write dreams and goals for ourself, for our marriage, and for our family for the new year. The last several years I've planned to do this and we just get too busy. Just because it's not the eve of a new year doesn't mean it's too late to start again for this year.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-35105078959655806362019-05-04T14:09:00.001-05:002019-05-04T14:13:06.053-05:00Hot Ticket Item.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh my gosh.<br />
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So you know how when one of your kids has something and the other one wants it <b><i>sooooo-oo</i></b> badly and they just <i>havetohaveitrightnow</i> and you're like jeepers, ½ the reason you want it because is because your sibling has it right now!<br />
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But you're actually wrong.<br />
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IT'S ACTUALLY THE WHOLE ENTIRE REASON WHY THEY WANT THE THING.<br />
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I gave the kids one of my old flip phones that they really don't even understand how to use. Which is so sad and funny. But now the kids just take turns coveting it and FIGHTING over it and throwing the fits.<br />
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The funniest part of it all to me is that this phone doesn't have a battery and doesn't turn on. But they have one of our old iPhones that DOES turn on that they play games. Crosby has the iPhone and Molly has the flip phone. Crosby sees Molly has the flip phone and flips out. He is willing to trade her the real phone that works for the phone that doesn't actually work. She won't trade him because it's the hot ticket item right now.<br />
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Just a quick, funny glance into being a parent today. May your patience be plentiful today.</div>
Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-18826530471149267872019-05-02T01:52:00.000-05:002019-05-02T01:52:01.776-05:00Beliefs.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b style="color: #333333;">Today's point of <a href="http://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/search/label/praise" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">praise</a></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">: "For the kingdom of God depends not on talk but on power</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">." (1 Cor. 4:20) </span><i style="color: #333333;">Day #11</i></span><br />
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I've been so intimidated on this topic, so I've just been putting it off. I even have a half-finished blog post from about a year ago on the exact topic. The hardest part of it for the longest time was grappling at what <i>did</i> I believe?<br />
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I had stepped away from the church in the last few years for several reasons that I'd love to delve into at some point - but probably not this post. One of the surface-level reasons was because going to church with little kids made me stressed and anxious. I felt like if my kids were being noisy and disruptive then I would be taking away from the people near me at mass. I didn't want to catch any grief from anyone else. And like I indicated before, for a few other reasons we just became a family who didn't go to church. I'm a cradle Catholic -- meaning I was born into it -- and I can't remember a time in my childhood when we didn't go to mass every Sunday. It really started to upset me that I wasn't instilling the same in my kids and making the same traditions in my family.<br />
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Another surface-level reason? We loved our church community in Illinois so much that when it came time to pick a new church here in Memphis... well let's just say I was <i>beyond</i> picky. The first two churches we visited didn't feel right and to be fair it was more me than them. After trying those few churches, I gave up. Thankfully my oldest daughter, Presley, really started asking if we could start going to church together. At the same time my big sister had been talking to me about getting our kids involved in PRE (Parish Religious Education aka Sunday school) so that they would be on track to make their first communion in 2nd grade. (Presley's questions about God and her desire to go to church increased tenfold when she started PRE this year. Again, thank God!) So my sister and I looked up mass times and PRE times and distances from our houses to various churches to try to find <i>THE ONE </i>church that would be the best fit and thankfully, we kinda did. Funnily enough one of the priests we grew up with at our childhood parish was now the pastor at the church that fit all our criteria... it just seemed like serendipity... which was probably God's hand. When it came time to sign the kids up for PRE we were so broke that it was easier to volunteer to teach every Sunday at church to have the fees waived for my kids.<br />
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All this long narrative to say: slowly but surely I dipped my toes back into the Church which became dipping my toes back into the faith. I feel grateful that our God is one that waits and prays that we come back. One that rejoices each time we open our hearts to Him and live for Him. Praise God for that. For His patience and relentlessness. For God not giving up on us. He worked through my bank account and my sister and my daughter and our childhood pastor and countless other ways to wake me back up. And he did it relatively slowly because this dude knows I am slow to wake up. Just ask my sisters. Waking me up for school every day was such a chore. God knows. 😄<br />
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It's super cool that one of the bible verses mentioned in today's devotional was the subject of Father Ernie's homily at church last Sunday:<br />
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Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.' Thomas answered, and said to him, 'My Lord and my God!' Jesus said to him, 'Have you come to believe because you have seen me? <i>Blessed</i> are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.' <b style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>John 20:27-29 </i></span></b></blockquote>
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Father Ernie said it best when he said we <b>all</b> have doubt from time to time like Thomas. It sure made me feel better for having doubts over the years in various ways. But he said don't let it keep you down. Don't lose your faith because of the doubts. We're not all as fortunate as Thomas was to be able to put our hands on Jesus' hands. We are the blessed who believe and yet have not yet seen.<br />
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Also fitting from the devotional today was this quote from Kim Boyce: "As parents, we must be convinced of our beliefs. We must know where we stand, so that our children will know where they stand." Hopefully my kids won't be able to remember a time when we didn't go to mass together every weekend. If our beliefs shape our values and our values shape our lives - am I living in a way that speaks that? Am I doing God's work for others in my life? That's the dream. Living what I believe so that my actions speak for me and ultimately give glory to God.<br />
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What God asks of us is both simpler and more profound than adherence to a system of beliefs or following a set of rules. He asks us to walk with him through the blood and guts of our real experience in an honest pilgrimage where we let him show us what real strength, and real love, are all about. <span style="font-size: x-small;"> <b style="text-align: right;"><i>Paula Rinehart </i></b></span></blockquote>
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I'll be praying for you this week, bloggies, that you can find a way to embrace the things you believe in more fully. That God can do the work on your heart that you might be putting off. If you have any prayer intentions for me please feel free to leave them in the comments below or get ahold of me some other way and I'll be happy to add those into my prayer journal as well. PEACE.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-37137610035511846932019-04-16T02:48:00.000-05:002019-04-16T03:14:09.607-05:00Notre Dame.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Yesterday a fire raged through Notre Dame -- the breathtaking cathedral in Paris, France.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Photos: Benoit Tessier, Philippe Wojazer and Charles Paliau/Reuters @ Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Paris</span></span></td></tr>
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I feel so heartbroken for the people of Paris... for our Catholic brothers & sisters who look to this gorgeous church as a symbol of fortitude... and for people around the world who feel the loss of an irreplaceable piece of history. Like many of you I was able to see photos and videos being shared of the events that took place today as well as hear the reactions of my friends, family, and others on social media. It eventually lead me to dig deeper into my feelings as I watched.<br />
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I chose to take French in high school and was blown away by the beauty of the language and culture and history and the people thanks to my amazing teacher, Mrs. Westbrook at Germantown High School. The class genuinely brought me joy at a time when my life wasn't very joyful. I was also at a place in my life that I didn't yet see learning as an opportunity to grow. I saw it as an obligation I had no choice but to fulfill. So for any high school subject to excite me was rare. During my first year of French I had plans to continue the subject for all four years - even though that intimidated me - and that I would take the class trip to France that the upperclassmen got the chance to take part in. But of course, things change. I got a different teacher in my second year of French class and the subject ended up bringing more dread than joy. After I completed the first two years of our high school's foreign language requirement I decided not to continue. So getting to Paris before leaving high school didn't work out for me.<br />
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Even still, I knew I'd make it to France and see all the beauty with my own two eyes eventually. At 31, I'm now well out of high school and while I still haven't made it there, the feeling of wanting to visit has never gone away. And as a Catholic, the cathedral is among the places I'd go visit. It breaks my heart that such a wonderful, holy space filled with so much love and history that has been around for over <u>800</u> <u>years</u> could burn and crumble in hours. That no matter what type of rebuilding that could take place, we cannot make these new pieces old again.<br />
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It reminds me of the saying that trust is built in drips and lost in buckets. It took nearly <b>300 years</b> to build this beautiful church and it took <i>less than a day</i> for so much of it to be burned away.<br />
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I have no doubt that Notre Dame will be rebuilt. And it will continue to be a symbol of resilience for Parisians and so many around the world. And that gives me hope. But so many people, myself included, will not get to experience the wonder and awe of standing before this beautiful cathedral -- that took so many hands and years and plans and triumphs and failures to become a reality -- as it once was. From this moment forward it will be forever changed. While that makes so many of us sad for good reason, we cannot get stuck there. God asks us to walk by faith and not by sight. We aren't able to understand why these things happen and we certainly can't control them. But what we can do is make the situation new. We can give thanks for what we once had, for the things we still have, and look forward to the beauty in what is to come.<br />
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Thank you God for the relics and artwork that were rescued from the flames. Thank you for reminding us once again that the story doesn't end here. Thank you for this opportunity to come together and make things new again. Thank you for the people of Paris.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-57827934206844352172019-01-07T16:03:00.003-06:002019-01-07T16:29:14.427-06:00Monday Mealtime Motivation: Easy-Peasy Chicken Spinach Stew<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
If you're anything like me then you are always looking for a really good, simple meal to add into your line-up of usual meals. This is one of my favorites! And sometimes all we need in life is a little extra motivation... either to step out of our comfort zone or to be convinced we can make a simple meal at home instead of picking up something from the drive-thru. So here is a little Monday Mealtime Motivation for you! I hope you enjoy this stew as much as I do!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Easy-Peasy Chicken Spinach Stew</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Meat</span></div>
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<li>12 oz. Beef Smoked Sausage </li>
<li>Cooked shredded chicken <span style="font-size: x-small;">(either taken from a store bought rotessiere chicken OR a portion I've made ahead in the crock pot & grabbed from the freezer. I can totally share that recipe another Monday if anybody is interested!)</span></li>
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<li>1 (10 oz.) bag of baby spinach<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></li>
<li>1 tsp. minced garlic</li>
<li>1 large onion</li>
<li>2 large sweet potatoes</li>
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<li>1 box of chicken broth</li>
<li>2 cans of petite diced tomatoes</li>
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<li>salt, pepper, and whatever seasoning you like, to taste </li>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Instructions:</span></div>
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1. Grab your sweet potatoes and onion -- peel, cut, chop, dice them to your preference. For the potatoes I usually do somewhere between a quarter or a dice when I chop them and I cut the onion into julienne strips... really just up to your preference.</div>
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2. Place the sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, and whatever seasoning you'd like in a 4-to 6-quart slow cooker. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Note on seasoning: I use what I have on hand. In the past some of the seasoning blends I've used and liked is either the 21 Seasoning Salute from Trader Joes, McCormick's Montreal Chicken blend, or Herbs de Provence. Use what you have and like!)</span></div>
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3. Cut the sausage to your preference. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(This time I'm using Hillshire Farm Smoked Sausage.)</span><br />
4.Add the chicken and sausage over produce; toss in tomatoes and broth.</div>
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5. Cover and cook on LOW for 6 hours.</div>
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6. Stir in spinach and let it sit a few minutes before serving. You don't have to use every bit of the 10 oz. of spinach... again just put in as much or as little as you prefer.</div>
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This is just what I use and how I make it. You can adapt it as you need or as you'd like. For example, if you'd like to adapt this to a stovetop recipe - you could easily do that! If you'd like to add different ingredients or take any away - you go Glen Coco! <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Mean Girls reference for anyone wondering what the hell I'm talking about.)</span></div>
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We love Aidells sausage and have used several different kinds of their chicken sausage in place of the beef smoked sausage before. I've added canned green beans <span style="font-size: x-small;">(drained and rinsed)</span> many times in the past, too. I almost never make recipes the same twice. Mostly because I'm the type of person who eyeballs everything and just make things up as I go along.<br />
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Here are photos of some of the things I referenced in this post and what they look like just for frame of reference:<br />
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Let me know if you make it and how you liked it or modified it!! This concludes our first Monday Mealtime Motivation... thanks for visiting! </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">If you have any tried-and-true favorite recipes to submit or would be interested in guest blogging or sponsoring in the future shoot me an e-mail at aduggan520@gmail.com</span></div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-92142025959560555262019-01-05T23:41:00.000-06:002019-01-06T00:46:26.282-06:00New Year.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Anybody else feel like life has been moving super fast lately? I really can't believe 2019 is already here. There are lots of joyful things happening this year for us. Tony and I are going to see Justin Timberlake when he comes back to Memphis this month and later in the year Amanda and I are going to see the Backstreet Boys! Both concerts we'll be sitting nosebleeds but I'm honestly just so excited to be there that it doesn't even matter to me. In between those shows we'll be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary <b>and</b> I'll be in my happy place all year while planning our first family vacation in FOREVER for Walt Disney World for this Fall!!!!<br />
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Every year at this time I love reflecting in attempt to learn something from the last year about myself and potentially how I can make healthier decisions in the coming year. I haven't done as much journaling and reflecting as I'd like to, but the little bit that I finished so far I wanted to share here on my blog. Here is the list of prompts I followed. I picked them up from my sister who got them from somewhere else on the interwebs so here is a recreated version of the original list and then my answers below that.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">This year...</span></i></div>
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<b>A bad habit I'm going to break</b>:</div>
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Being so quick to lose my patience. I know I can try a lot harder in this arena. I'd also like to make it to mass this year. I was originally going to say "make it to mass more this year" but to be honest, if I went to mass two times in 2019 that'd technically be more than I did in 2018. So. Saying <i>more</i> wouldn't exactly be clear enough. I'd like to make it to mass as a family this year. I'm hoping to break the bad habit of being complacent in not going.</div>
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<b>A new skill I'd like to learn</b>:</div>
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To live minimally.</div>
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<b>A person I hope to be more like</b>:</div>
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The "Girl Wash Your Face" girl (Rachel Hollis) and Glennon Doyle. Rachel seems to have refocused her energies on the things (as a wife and mom) that really, actually matter. She seems to have switched from being unforgiving of herself to loving and being kind to herself. That's the biggest shift within myself I could make this new year. I always want to be a bit more like Glennon but especially getting up and doing good for other people is what I wish I did more of like she does.</div>
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<b>A good deed I'm going to do</b>:</div>
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Donate blood. No excuses.</div>
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<b>A place I'd like to visit</b>:</div>
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Dallas. I'm not sure it'll happen this year but it's always on my list of places to visit someday.</div>
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<b>A book I'd like to read</b>:</div>
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A ton of books. I want to read this year. Last year I kinda fell off the reading wagon and it's something I miss so much. But the first book that came to mind for this was "Girl Wash Your Face" since I was just thinking about Rachel Hollis.</div>
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<b>A letter I'm going to write</b>:</div>
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Goodbye letters to Gramma Myers and Granny. The things I would have liked to tell them or talk to them about before they passed.</div>
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<b>A new food I'm going to try</b>:</div>
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I really can't think of one! So I'm going to go with a turkey leg from Walt Disney World. And macaroons. I've never had them and would like to try them. AND. I'd like to try sake. I know that's a drink but it's something I've always wanted to try.</div>
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<b>I'm going to do better at</b>:</div>
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Homeschool stuff for BOTH girls. Getting out of the house a bit more. Cleaning out and organizing the house to <i>potentially</i> move. Drink more water. Be more physically active.</div>
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Which leads me to my word of the year...<b> BREATHE</b>. I'd like to take a deep breathe and clear my head more often before responding this year. If I allow myself a moment to breathe before doing or responding or reacting then I'm hoping it'll give me a moment to grasp onto my reserve of kindness and patience. To respond more often with love instead of bitterness or anger or cynicism. To wait a minute and hear someone out completely instead of assuming the worst and jumping right in. Breathe. This is the first time for me to choose a word to focus on for the year and I'm loving the idea and the motivation. I'm looking for the perfect accessory so I can carry the word with me throughout the year.</div>
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Let me know how you spend the new year this year - did you reflect or make resolutions or did you choose a word? If so, what were they? I'd love to know! I hope it's a year for growth and reaching our potential.</div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-78594583872280685522019-01-01T03:26:00.002-06:002019-01-01T03:26:48.278-06:00So long, 2018.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Before moving forward it's nice to take a look back at how far you've come. 2018 was a true rollercoaster of a year for the Duggan clan. We had some tough hits this year and we had so many good days. It was a full year.<br />
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<b>January</b> is when we began our homeschool journey with Presley and the month she also had her tonsillectomy. Molly got her first haircut and thanks to my wonderful husband I saw Finding Neverland with Selena.<br />
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In <b>February</b> we had lots of days at home, at the zoo, at Shelby Farms, and at the Children's Museum.<br />
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<b>March</b> brought Betsy's bachelorette weekend in Wilmington, NC! My first trip away from my family and a chance to see some far away friends and act like we were teens again. And I got to see so many of the One Tree Hill spots around town plus Betsy spotted one of the actors from the show, too!<br />
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Presley had her first cavity and filling in <b>April</b> and it was my first time mowing the lawn.<br />
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<b>May</b> was a super fun month as we all traveled to the Quad Cities for Betsy's wedding! It was Crosby's first time to Illinois. We had a fun afternoon in St. Louis while we were on the road, saw lots of family (including my cousin Breanne) for the first time in nearly three years, Betsy got married, and Crosby was baptized! We celebrated seven years of marriage which lined up perfectly with TJ & Barb getting married. We also ran our first 5k of the season at the zoo.<br />
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In<b> June</b> we ran our favorite 5k ever - the Harbortown 5k! We went to Dairy Queen to remember my dad on his birthday. We went to the splash pad at the Children's Museum. A lot. And we ran the Orion 5k in beautiful downtown Memphis.<br />
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I went back to the Quad Cities in<b> July</b> to see Jess marry Will! It also marked the 3rd time of seeing most of these far away friends in one year!!! Molly had a big month: she stopped sucking her thumb and became potty trained! We had an "underwear party" at IKEA since now she gets to go into the big kid playroom now that she's potty trained. Oh, and is it really July if you don't get matching Old Navy flag tees?!<br />
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<b>August</b> is a blur that I really don't remember much about other than I started teaching PRE (Parish Religious Education) with Amanda! Our first grade class is the sweetest bunch of kids.<br />
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The first day of<b> September</b> is 901 day which is the perfect time to reflect on how much I love the city of Memphis! I also went on one of the <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2018/09/marriage-monday-dont-underestimate-day.html" target="_blank">best, funnest dates ever</a> when Tony surprised me for a ride around our beautiful city on Bird scooters!<br />
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I also went to the beach...</div>
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...to say goodbye to someone who was already gone.<br />
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But I got to take a trip with my big sister. And I got my favorite sandwich. </div>
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Then I had to say another impossible goodbye to someone who meant so much to me.<br />
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And afterward we celebrated her big, vibrant life with friends and family.</div>
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In <b>October</b> we did Fall stuff. Like my first ever pig race. And Crosby turned two! And we did Halloween stuff.<br />
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Next came <b>November</b> where we celebrated the Day of the Dead and had a feast at our house. I turned 31. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at Amanda & John's and then had Selena over to our house for our first ever Thanksgiving meal at home!<br />
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In <b>December</b> we did Christmas stuff like seeing Santa and the Grinch. We celebrated Peyton becoming a fiancé. We saw so much family which is the absolute best part of the holidays.<br />
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Like I said: 2018 was a very full year. I'm ready to carry what remains from the last year along with me into 2019. The heartaches, the lessons learned, the promises kept, the loved ones both here on earth with us and those locked up tight in our hearts. So long, 2018. I hope to have learned something from you.</div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-562359144798204102018-11-14T20:29:00.005-06:002019-01-01T03:45:09.082-06:00Two Places I've Traveled... {thursday thoughts}<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Man, over two years ago I started a list of ten posts I wanted to write over the next ten weeks. Well. It's been like, 104+ weeks since then and I still have two of those posts to finish. This is one of them. Here are the first eight of them:<br />
<a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/06/ten-things-that-make-you-happy-thursday.html" target="_blank">ten</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/07/nine-pictures-of-us-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">nine</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/07/8-goals-for-august-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">eight</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/08/7-things-about-my-family-thursday.html" target="_blank">seven</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/08/six-products-i-love-pregnancy-edition.html" target="_blank">six</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/09/five-books-ive-read-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">five</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/09/4-songs-with-special-meaning-thursday.html" target="_blank">four</a> <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/2016/12/3-tv-shows-thursday-thoughts.html" target="_blank">three</a><br />
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I haven't traveled extensively in my life but I have explored some really awesome places in the last 30 years of my life. Two stick out especially in my mind because they're the two trips I left the country.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">01. Canada</span><br />
I lived with my aunt and uncle for a couple years and made <i>so</i> many great memories with them & my cousins. We took a trip that included a stop in Canada and it was the first time I ever left the United States. I was 17 years old at the time which is old enough to soak so much of it in but just young and inexperienced enough to not realize the depth of what a cool and unique experience this was. We saw Niagara Falls - on the 4th of July! - and went to a super amazing amusement park in/near Ontario or Toronto called <a href="https://www.canadaswonderland.com/">Canada's Wonderland</a>. That was easily one of the best parts of the trip! I remember standing in line for a ride and there was music videos playing on TVs above us and an Ingram Hill song started playing and I could NOT believe what I was hearing... a local Memphis band playing IN CANADA?! What are the odds?!<br />
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We went camping in several different states and Canada and I did and saw so many things I'd never experienced before. I'm the type of person who would happily go to Walt Disney World every single family trip but traveling to Canada and having such a perfect, funny, amazing time really made me think twice. There is something special about traveling to new places and having new experiences.<br />
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I remember I helped cook pancakes one morning and my uncle made fun of me because they were just about as thick as hamburger patties! This is also the trip my aunt and uncle talked to me about the importance of just being and living in the moment. They talked about how they bring their cell phones on vacations for safety but they turn them off and choose not to use them so that they can be present exactly where they are. This was before the smart phones and social media we experience today but it the need to observe this on your vacations applies now more than ever.<br />
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The <b><u>best</u></b> part of the entire trip was spending that time with my family.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">02. Mexico</span><br />
The only other time I've left the good ole USA is when I went to Mexico for another family vacation! This time it was with my husband, cousins, sisters, mom, aunts, uncles, & grandparents on my mother's side of the family to celebrate our grandparents anniversary! We stayed at the <a href="http://www.oceanturquesaresort.com/">Ocean Coral Turquesa Resort</a> & I was 23 years old and about 9-10 weeks pregnant with Presley in the thick of the first trimester. For me, the first trimester <span style="font-size: x-small;">(especially when pregnant with my two girls)</span> was full of nausea. So, I think I would have enjoyed the trip a whole lot more if I hadn't felt sick 80% of the time. BUT! There were some awesome memories made on this trip and I'm so incredibly grateful to have had that time with so much of my family!!! Absolute favorite memory was playing beach volleyball with my cousins, sisters, & our significant others. It was hilarious and so much fun! We stayed at a beautiful resort with beautiful pools but when I look back all I remember is feeling so sick the majority of the time. Not to mention I couldn't get drinks with everyone else!!!<br />
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My takeaway from the Mexico trip was different. I felt like I didn't want to leave the country anytime in the near future... especially not when there were so many beautiful, amazing places to see within the United States. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(I think that had to do with the fact that we couldn't drink the water there and being a little scared of local crime.)</span> But at this point I really wouldn't mind doing something like that again! The sun, the beach, the water.... sounds like a dream!!!<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-56006162005138844172018-11-13T02:29:00.000-06:002018-11-13T02:33:28.411-06:00Things About Me.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm trying to write <a href="https://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/p/30-things.html" target="_blank">30 different posts</a> about myself for my kids. This one marks the third one that I've completed. Baby steps.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>List 20 random facts about yourself.</i></span><br />
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20. I feel like drinks are easier to taste and more enjoyable with less ice. Sweet tea, iced coffee, pop, water... all of it better a bit closer to room temperature. My husband is the exact opposite. He gets extra ice for his drinks and I want very little in mine.<br />
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19. I love planning our family vacations. So much. Especially the Disney ones. Which are very few and far between. BUT. I'm always making mental notes for our next one. I'd love to do it for a living someday for other families!<br />
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18. My Hogwarts house is Hufflepuff. My patronus is a wild boar. My Ilvermorny house is Thunderbird. Just in case you were wondering. (And yes, I'd love to hear yours! If you don't know them yet then I highly suggest you sign up at Pottermore.com and find out after taking a few short quizzes about yourself.)<br />
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17. It's pretty easy for me to be optimistic about things -- especially when it comes to starting new things. I've definitely got to work on the finishing all the things part...<br />
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16. On the other side of that same coin, I can be a pretty melancholy to downright dark and twisty person sometimes, too. Two things that don't quite seem cohesive <span style="font-size: x-small;">(being both optimistic & melancholy)</span> but somehow they coexist just perfectly to make me, me. In the dark and twisty moments I am lucky to have some great and strong and wonderful people in my corner to help put things into proper perspective.<br />
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15. I don't really believe in coincidence. I really do think things happen for a reason. And one particular thing I feel so strongly about that it makes me choked up is that I know that the timing of my dad leaving my life and my husband entering into my life is so much more than mere coincidence.<br />
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14. I connect strongly through music. Whenever a significant moment in life takes place you can guarantee I've put a playlist together for it. When I watch a TV show or movie and I hear a song that they placed perfectly to evoke emotion I have to find that song right away.<br />
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13. If it were up to me, I think I'd love a ton of kids. There is something so magical and so <i>holy</i> about giving birth. Something so wonderful about creating life and getting to know and raise these kids. It's nice to have a husband who keeps me in check... we certainly can't afford a bunch of kids and I don't know if I have the patience or sanity required for any more kids. But, if it were up to me, I'd be barefoot and pregnant and at home raising them myself. THIS COMING FROM SOMEONE WHO IDENTIFIES AS A DEEPLY FEMINIST PERSON! I don't find those two things (motherhood & feminism) as mutually exclusive, either.<br />
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12. I'm a cradle Catholic. I've always loved being Catholic and was so fortunate to grow up going to a church that felt like home. Equally lucky to have found that in Illinois for the time we lived there. The last few years I felt disconnected from the Church and so glad to be back now. I've been helping my sister teach Sunday school this year and it's been a huge balm in my faith life. I really like our new church and look forward to the day it feels like home.<br />
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11. <b>I love soundtracks.</b> And more than anything else these days my favorite thing is to listen to the scores from movies or tv shows. I have so many favorite composers <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Carter Burwell, John Williams, Hans Zimmer, Howard Shore, Danny Elfman, Alexandre Desplat, James Newton Howard, James Horner, Alan Silverstri...)</span> and there is something so peaceful about listening to musical compositions with no words. The background music to my life is often "The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Film Score)" station or "Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince (Film Score)" station on Pandora at home.<br />
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10. If I had to pick my favorite Disney princess it would likely depend on my mood BUT. If I had to give one favorite it would be Ariel. For so many reasons. The entire movie is brilliant and the music is untouchable. Jodi Benson and Howard Ashman working together made real magic. And I love how brave and sure Ariel is.<br />
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09. I have a 2 year-old son and I'm still breastfeeding him. And he shows no signs that he's ready to give it up either. I nurse him first thing in the morning, right before he goes to bed, and occasionally once or twice throughout the day. There are times he asks for "milkies" and I'll tell him no. If it were up to him we'd still nurse much more often throughout the day. But to be honest: I'm getting a little burnt out. Or maybe just stuck in the wrong mindset about it: I'm a little tired of sharing my body. The plan I have in mind is to quit on his terms. I've never nursed a kid this long before so we'll see how it pans out.<br />
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08. My sisters have always been my confidants. I've always told them everything for as long as I can remember. I lean heavily upon them. When I'm upset or excited or really anything, they are the first people I want to talk to. When they hurt, I hurt. When we're not okay, I'm not okay. We haven't lived in the same city for some time now and I'll always feel a bit incomplete until we're all back together for good.<br />
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07. My teams: Chicago Cubs, Dallas Cowboys, and Memphis Grizzlies.<br />
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06. Trenta iced coffee with 3 pumps of caramel - no ice, no classic, no cream. That's my Starbucks order. I come home and add my own cream. And it'll last me a couple days. And I love it. The trenta size is giant and I swear it's the size that tastes the best with the right coffee to syrup ratio. I know. I'm a weirdo. My favorite barista works at night & knows my order so I frequent the same store around the same time of day a few times a week and it's something I just love.<br />
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05. I really want to have a vow renewal. Intimate with a focus on the vows and inclusion of our children. I feel like even though I was conscious of this at the time, weddings are still such a production. It's so easy for the focus of the day to slip. I don't have much to regret about how we celebrated our big day -- it was <i>such </i>a great, happy, wonderful, beautiful day -- but I often look back and wish it had been a bit more intimate. Not to mention, Tony and I are - in many ways - two <i>completely</i> changed people from that day seven & a half years ago. Our experiences <span style="font-size: x-small;">(and especially becoming parents) </span>has transformed us deeply and I'd like to honor who we are now. To acknowledge that change and come back together all over again. I think it's beautiful to promise ourselves to each other all over again and to be able to include our children this time.<br />
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04. I want to go on more adventures. The furthest I've been is to Riviera Maya, Mexico and Ontario, Canada. Both were awesome experiences. I'd love to explore the United States so much more than I have and would love to visit Belgium someday. Jerusalem would be another truly amazing place to visit.<br />
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03. I am a crier and I am a hugger. Shaking hands feels cold. Also I can not watch Moana or Coco without crying.<br />
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02. I am frugal pretty much to a fault.<br />
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01. I'll forever be sad that both Nsync and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZdvaEU1TFo">The Civil Wars</a> disbanded. </div>
Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-32496597913401732482018-10-31T13:10:00.002-05:002018-11-01T11:50:58.112-05:00Guilt and Grief.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Grief -- the deep sorrow caused from someone's departure in your life -- is such an interesting concept.<br />
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I've found there is nothing small about grief. But there are both small moments and big moments when you experience your grief. Lately it is the small ones that creep up on me and stick with me the longest. Like ordering our most recent family photos and Crosby's two year portraits. We had two less "staple" people to order for this time. It felt like a punch in the gut. And now we're approaching Christmas card season and I feel that deep sorrow by such a "small" moment all over again. Not being able to write Granny or Gramma Myers on the list. It just drives home the reality once again that these people are gone from us.</div>
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One of the biggest feelings accompanying my grief these days is guilt. I could have and should have seen them more. Spent more time calling them and visiting them. Not out of some sense of obligation but because I genuinely know what I am missing out on now. I didn't see it clearly when they were still here and I failed to make the most of my time with them.<br />
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<i>It's been an entire month without Granny</i>. And I have yet to put into words what the woman meant to me. I've been putting it off. Telling myself I'm not ready... that there is no rush... and I need to wait until I can get it just right. But I don't know if or when that time will ever come.<br />
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For me writing is therapeutic. My words flow out of me, almost like I can't stop them. When both Darryl and Gramma Myers died, I automatically started writing. I didn't make the choice to say something about them rather I just couldn't help but write in those moments. And I'm so proud of the the reflection of the people I love within those two pieces of writing. I expected the same thing to happen for Granny. But every time I approach that door of trying to write from my heart about Granny, I just <i>cannot</i> open it. Even now I feel choked up. Almost like I can't breathe. And it's not that I'm afraid to cry or to feel but I can't find appropriate time to do that with the kids around me just about 24 hours a day every day. And then there is the guilt that I feel so broken up over losing Granny, as if it's not my place to feel such huge grief over losing her. Like I should get my shit together and keep it together to accept the grief of others around me, closer to her.<br />
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Grief and guilt and gridlock.<br />
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So while this <i>is</i> a post about Granny, it's not <b>THE</b> post about Granny.<br />
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More on that later.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-55536345497219895712018-09-11T17:14:00.001-05:002018-09-11T17:39:57.298-05:00Gramma Myers.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I wish there was more time. Even with 88 years on this earth, I still wish there were more time. The world was better and brighter with her in it. Somehow more right. Gramma Myers was funny and witty and smart and kind and snarky and generous and sassy and fun and tough. She's the kind of person who gave us savings bonds for gifts throughout childhood because she saw we had more than enough clothes and toys. Gramma is also the one who encouraged me to draw and to write as a child. I can remember her giving me a diary, telling me about journaling, and encouraging me to write. And later in life when I started blogging she shared with me how much she enjoyed each one and asked me to have them emailed to her every time one was posted. She's the Gramma who would send us calling cards way back when you needed them in order to call long distance because she always wanted us to have a way to contact her.<br />
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She was the kind of person who didn't mind telling you when she disagreed or disapproved of a choice you made. Mostly because I think she was so sure of who she was and was such a genuine person that she couldn't just fake it. Gramma was the kind of person who would unapologetically correct you mid-sentence if you used incorrect grammar. And ya know what? I'm a better writer/speaker/thinker for it. Another one of my favorite Gramma stories was from a trip I took with my little sister the summer of 2008. Ashley and I were with Gramma and she introduced us to one of her sweet friends. Her friend was saying hello to us when she noticed Ashley's nose ring and said, "Oh! She has a diamond in her nose!" and without skipping a beat Gramma said, "Well... diamonds <i>are </i>a girls best friend!" Add loyal to that list above of things I love about her.<br />
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One of my favorite trips to visit Gramma was the time Tony surprised me for my 22nd birthday. She got to show us many of the places she loves that we've come to love, too. We went to get "Cortez dogs" which were delicious fish hot dogs, around to all the best beach spots, and to Cha Cha Coconuts at St. Armand's Circle -- all the places we go to <b>every</b> visit now. Gramma had a slot machine in her spare bedroom and it was on that trip she told us it didn't work anymore and that she would either have to pay someone a bunch of money to fix it or maybe get rid of it. Tony offered to take a look at it and to our surprise he ended up fixing it! She was delighted and he scored some major brownie points that trip.<br />
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A year later I went to visit Gramma for Thanksgiving with my sister and brother-in-law. I think it was a good time of year for a visit because Amanda had the time off from teaching and I had the time off from college. It wasn't until we were there that Gramma shared with us how much it meant to her to have us there specifically at Thanksgiving. That it was right around Thanksgiving when my Grampa Fred had a stroke and died shortly after and that the holiday was always a harsh reminder of it all for her. I was really moved by her sharing that piece of herself with us.<br />
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Although it just happened, it doesn't at all feel real that she's gone. Whether or not we were in constant contact throughout these last 30+ years, Gramma has been a unchanging part of my life. No matter what - I knew she was there. And more than anything, I took that for granted.<b> Don't take one moment with anyone for granted.</b> Don't wait to call someone until you feel less socially awkward. Don't wait to visit someone until you're making plans to attend their funeral. Visit your person. Call your person. Tell them and show them you love them. Let them know what they mean to you. Don't wait until it's too late for them to hear it.<br />
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<i>One moment she was here</i></div>
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<i>And then she was gone</i></div>
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<i>along with the chance I had </i></div>
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<i>to give her all the beautiful things </i></div>
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<i>I was holding for her in my heart.</i></div>
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<i>So they are still there.</i></div>
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<i>And I'll hold them tight.</i><br />
<i>Until I get the chance to give them back to her.</i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I love you, Gramma. And I'll carry so many parts of you along with me.</i></span></div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-74287464236155712102018-09-03T23:30:00.000-05:002018-09-04T00:59:55.901-05:00Marriage Monday: Don't Underestimate the Day Date!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I just had the best Monday I've had in a long time.<br />
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Tony surprised me with a day date and we rode <a href="https://www.bird.co/how">Bird scooters</a> around Memphis today! It. Was. So. Fun.<br />
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To say I was intimidated up front is an understatement. Though I LOVE trying new things, this was totally out of my comfort zone! Having to ride alongside traffic made me nervous at first. Riding a scooter takes balance while riding an electric scooter takes balance and timing and it's kinda scary to go that fast!!! But also <b>SUPER</b> fun.<br />
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We started in Midtown and decided on a whim to ride all the way Downtown, get a late lunch at <a href="https://hueyburger.com/">Huey's</a>, and then ride them back. Truly the only downside <span style="font-size: x-small;">(besides me being clumsy the entire time)</span> was my scooter dying halfway back in an area of town that didn't have any scooters! It took us a little bit to track another one down during a super hot part of the day and of course Tony was a complete gentleman and insisted I take his scooter and he would run alongside me which was so sweet. I tried to protest and asked him why should he have to give up his scooter and he said, "Because I'm the runner." So. True! And thank God for that. We finally found an area nearby with scooters and we got two that were charged up and headed back.<br />
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It was one of the <b>BEST</b> dates I have ever been on. I laughed and smiled so much and was pushed just enough out of my comfort zone to make the date even more different, special, and meaningful. Most of all I loved reconnecting with Tony in our vibrant city on a beautiful late-summer day.<br />
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Which brings me to my point: DON'T underestimate the power of the day date!!! I get it... there is just something a little magical about the nighttime. It's typically the time of day reserved for most of our sensual moments. Meanwhile, days are for getting things done so that you can take it easy at night. We run the errands in the morning so we can have fun later. But spending the afternoon with my husband and the sun and the river and a scooter was pretty close to perfection. So if daytimes work best for dating your spouse -- get out there and day date the crap out of each other.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-86143551949577987242018-08-20T18:13:00.002-05:002018-08-20T18:13:46.195-05:00Marriage Monday: 8 years ago.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Tony and I got married at the Rock Island County Courthouse on a Friday morning eight years ago.<br />
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We didn't tell any friends or family we were planning to do this... mostly because we were in the middle of planning our wedding that would happen in less than a year. We "got married on paper" so that I could have his health insurance because I was going through some minor health stuff back then. It was a very quick exchange of words mostly read unfeelingly to us by a judge. It felt really surreal.<br />
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Tony and I came up in the digital age and didn't realize these types of things were printed in the local paper regularly. Which is something my Gramma reads every day, apparently. So you can imagine my surprise when my Gramma asked when we were planning to tell her we got married!<br />
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So while I will always consider May 20th our anniversary and the day we got married... August 20th is a funny little special day I like to remember every year, too. Because it's the day I became a Duggan.</div>
Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-15886249466659732282018-08-17T16:27:00.000-05:002018-08-17T17:38:14.363-05:0030 Things My Kids Should Know About Me: Dear Sixteen Year-Old Me...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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A while back I stumbled upon a list of writing prompts (<a href="http://cherish365.com/2012/11/30-things-my-kids-should-know-about-me.html">here</a>) and I thought it was a brilliant way to write more while also giving my kids something substantial to read from me. I lost my dad without getting to know him as a person and I would really give anything to have pieces of him. So, despite how narcissistic it can often times feel to write about myself, I'm doing this for my kiddos. Slowly but surely, that is, because this will only be the second prompt completed here. (You can find them above at the "<a href="http://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/p/30-things.html">For My Kids</a>" page)<br />
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Today I'm here to tell my 16 year-old self 10 things - so here we go.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">01. Friends will come and go.</span><br />
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This was a really painful lesson for me as I lost a lot of friends throughout high school whether someone moved, graduated, grew apart, or due to bad decisions. Each loss felt devastating at the time. It wasn't until quite some time later when I realized it was OK and normal to grow apart from people throughout your life. The thing that really helped me here was the reason, season, and lifetime poem. Not everyone is destined to be a major part of our life forever and while it can be painful, it is all in God's plan for us. God knows what we don't and most of the time it starts to become apparent after a while why those people left our lives. Letting go can feel really great, too. I spent way too much time trying to hold onto people so tightly that I missed out on joy and new experiences or even just the things that were <i>right</i> in front of my face. So, friends WILL come and go. Let them go. Have peace in your heart about it. You will never have to beg someone to be part of your life who wants to be there. And you know what? Some friends will stay. Just keep swimming. Be good to the friends in your life.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">02. Life is GREY.</span><br />
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In high school I saw things in black <b>OR</b> white extremes. And I did a lot of judging of people early on. At some point it was coming from a good place, but it really didn't come out as anything nice. Because no matter how well-intentioned it is, judging someone else just isn't our job. I wish I had known you could still love people despite their choices. That you can lovingly disagree with someone. You can look out for someone and try to be there for them and do it all without shoving your opinions and judgments on them. Life is grey. And that's okay.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">03. Travel.</span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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Okay so you won't likely do much traveling with your sixteen year-old budget... but still. If you get the chance to go somewhere or do something new: <b>DO IT</b>. Don't let the fear of anything hold you back. If you get into a situation you don't like - then come back. I was always too afraid to go do anything in case it wasn't for me. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Like working at a summer camp away from home or trying the Disney college program.)</span> Fear kept me from doing what I wanted to do <i>too</i> many times. I wish I had done more traveling with myself or my sisters or my friends or Tony. Not elaborate, not expensive trips. Just going anywhere and everywhere that I had the opportunity to go. I wish I had explored more unfamiliar places and seen more new things with the people I love before my kids came along. Because now my life is centered around them and being a mom. I'm not saying you can't travel once having kids and I'm also not saying I'm not planning to travel anymore... it's just not an option for me at this given moment. And I wish I had done more of it when I had more money, less responsibilities, and the time.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">04. Exercise safe sex until you choose to become a parent.</span><br />
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Even if a doctor tells you it will be extremely difficult to get pregnant without fertility treatments. You will love being a parent one day - but just wait until you are ready. And honestly, there is no rush to have sex. Wait until you're ready for that, too. It'll all be worth it.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">05. Speaking of that - <i>exercise</i>.</span><br />
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Aside from cheerleading in high school and gym class, I didn't exercise. Why would I? I could eat and drink whatever I wanted and nothing bad would ever happen. But I wish I would have known how beneficial regular exercise is and I wish I would have started that from a young age. Because once it becomes a part of your life and routine then it's just part of who you are. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Or at least that's how it was for me when I exercised regularly later in life when I had all that pre-kids energy.)</span> It helps your mood, it helps your body to function properly, and it just makes you feel great. So start now and keep up with it.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">06. Open a checking & savings account, work as much as you can.</span><br />
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I got this advice when I was 18 but I had already been working two years by that point. And I had a stack of paychecks I had never cashed!!! What. A. Mess. I knew absolutely nothing about the principles of saving money let alone the skills required to navigate a simple bank transaction. So. Here it is. Open up a checking account. In your name. It's okay to feel intimidated at first. If you can, open a savings account as well. Hopefully something with a bit better interest rate than your checking account. Try hard to not touch the money you put into your savings account.<br />
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Now, work as much as you can while you're young and able and have the energy and free time. Because, why not? If you're not working you'll have more time to make bad decisions and get into trouble. If you spend your time working you'll keep yourself busy with being productive AND you'll be making money. If that's money you don't need right now - SAVE IT. Don't blow it on stupid clothes you'll wear once and realize you don't even like. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(If that advice sounds specific that's because it is.)</span> Bonus points if you find a job you genuinely love.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">07. Don't be hurtful just because you're hurting.</span><br />
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Agh. This is such an important lesson. When someone does or says something hurtful to you, you do not get a free pass to do or say something hurtful. Take a step back, walk away... deal with your insides before you deal with someone who caused you pain. You might think you are hurting them and getting even but you are just damaging yourself. You are shaping WHO you are. Do you really want to become someone who hurts people? No. You don't. So just don't go there. Be kind. Be vulnerable. Even in the face of hurtful people. They are just hurting themselves in the long run. Get to a space mentally where you can be hurt and not be hurtful in return. Be someone your little sister can look up to and feel proud.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">08. Stay away from alcohol until you're 21.</span><br />
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Seriously. Theres a great reason why you legally have to be 21 until you partake. Trust me. Theres just no need for it yet. You've only got this ONE time to be a teenager and alcohol will only mess that up. The fun part about alcohol is how freeing it allows you to be and you know what is beautiful about this part of your life? Being a teenager is a time in your life where you are free to follow your heart and your whims. It's a time when you're no longer a kid so you've got a bit more freedom and at the same time your not yet an adult so you aren't weighed down by those responsibilities and expectations yet. Being sixteen <b>is</b> freeing. You don't need alcohol to free you. And really, you don't need alcohol to free you at any age. Learn that before you have your first drink and you'll already be ahead of the curve. Also, alcohol is a depressant. It can and will disrupt the balance you have going on... it will affect your thoughts, feelings, and actions. And it can sometimes cause long-term mental health issues. Honestly, you should stay away from alcohol until your frontal lobes are fully formed <span style="font-size: x-small;">(around age 25)</span> but I get that I'm really pushing it here. Point is...<br />
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Learn to be yourself, make friends, dance, flirt, and socialize without the buffer of alcohol. It's okay if it's awkward. Awkward is good. Awkward is real. Everyone is awkward as a teen. Feeling awkward means we are just outside our comfort zone and that is where we learn and grow. We like awkward.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">09. Get help.</span><br />
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So earlier I said at 16 years old your not a kid anymore but that wasn't the whole truth. You are still a kid. You are not ready for adult situations. And you will find yourself thrust into situations you are just not ready for. This is where you need to get help. Stress is a great help indicator. It usually means you are having to bear something you can't fully deal with on your own. THAT IS OKAY. That is normal. It just means it's time to ask someone who loves and supports you for help. PLEASE, please don't be afraid or feel too intimidated to ask an adult for help. Think of an adult who makes you feel loved and safe. Go to that person. There is no "thing" too small to ask for help. Don't feel shame. I tell my kids now -- who are most definitely NOT teens yet but the same applies -- it's a BIG kid behavior to ask for help. It may not feel like it, but it is.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">10. Try new things.</span><br />
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New foods. New experiences. All of it. Well, the healthy stuff. Let me give you an example. Senior year <span style="font-size: x-small;">(before moving to Illinois) </span>for some reason I decided to give bowling a try. Not just for fun on the weekends with friends at midnight bowling... like the actual bowling team at school. I wish I could remember what motivated me to go but I went to the tryouts. And it was FUN. Who knew there was an actual method to bowling?! Not me... not until I went, at least. I ended up making the team mostly because the amount of girls who showed up at tryouts was the number of girls they needed for a full team. The people on the team were wonderful and kind and I learned a lot while having a lot of fun. And I genuinely got better at bowling. Why did I wait until senior year to try out? I wish so much that someone had sat me down freshman year and told me failing is okay. We're not going to be good at everything we do but everything is worth a shot. So try everything.<br />
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I admire my little sister so much because she had the guts to try something new her freshman year when she tried out for volleyball. She'd never played before and had so much to learn but she found out she was a quick learner and she was talented and athletic and she did fantastic. She made the team and she excelled. Watching Ashley play volleyball and practicing with her are some of my favorite memories from high school. I wish all the time I'd had the courage she did and would have tried out my freshman year. I might not have made it - but what if I would have? We could have played together for two years in high school. And I would have had fun because that community was full of great people.<br />
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Try all the things. Don't be afraid of failure. It's just as likely you'll succeed. But if and when you do fail it'll propel you forward. It'll help you discover your capabilities.<br />
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<b>Other great things</b>: learn to love coffee, get your ass to church but more importantly know God, read lots of books, spend time with your family, develop hobbies, life is about more than the opposite sex (or more specifically life is about more than what the opposite sex thinks of you), don't waste your time on mean or fake friends, go to sleep at a decent time, get out of your comfort zone as much as possible, be good to your sisters, eat food that is actually good for you, life isn't always about you, LISTEN TO GOOD MUSIC, the popular thing is almost never the right thing... and a million more.<br />
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<i>Kids, if you're reading this, I wish I could just breathe these lessons into you. But I can't. You are going to have to make the choice to hear these things or not. And I hope you take this time in your life to listen to your mommy and learn some of the things she wished she knew at your age. I love you SO MUCH and always want what is best for you and I hope you feel that.</i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: , , "blinkmacsystemfont" , ".sfnstext-regular" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">What kinds of lessons do you wish someone would have taught your 16 year-old self? What are some of the lessons your thankful you were taught at that age?</span></div>
Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-39627058329113367152018-08-13T15:04:00.000-05:002018-08-16T01:48:44.779-05:00Marriage Monday: Success In Marriage<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When I was in high school I found a lot of comfort in reading the words of other people. I started my own quote book and I filled it with the most meaningful quotes and lyrics I came across. Reading it now is pretty hilarious... there are a few gems that still stand but most of it is so dramatic. However, I had a Reader's Digest book of Quotable Quotes that I would pour over and often times mark my favorites. I haven't cracked open this book in quite some time but I came across it on my bookshelf and pulled it out. I read through several pages the other day and marked ones that stuck out to me and among them was this one...<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> --Sydney J. Harris</span></div>
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Let that sink in. To be successful in just about any career it takes major prep work. Sometimes it's going to school for several years and other times it's investing in a several week-long training course. It includes studying and practice and help from your coworkers. Over time you solicit advice from leaders in the industry and people who have been there before you. In your spare time you sometimes read articles to become more efficient, more comfortable and to be better at what you do.<br />
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YET. When it comes to marriage we are surprised when it doesn't work out magically and perfectly on our own. We're frustrated and assume something is deeply wrong with our marriage, ourselves, and our spouses when we find that ours must be the only marriage that takes work. I mean... how embarrassing to reach out to another married couple for advice? That would only make you look weak and incompetent, right?<br />
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No. Way. Marriage is just as hard as everything else. I mean, being a human is HARD. It really is. So being a human alongside someone else being a human should understandably be double hard. (And it is.) But we don't see it that way. For some reason, just like the quote says, almost everyone believes that success within a marriage should be automatic.<br />
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I don't have any special method of success to share with you. Just came to share the quote and to acknowledge that you aren't alone in the struggle of being a human alongside someone else being a human. Marriage is <i>so</i> wonderful. Being married to my husband is such a huge blessing and something I thank God for all the time. <b>And</b> it is something that requires all the investment that a career should... like going to school for several years on the subject, several weeks of training, continued studying and practice, help from others, advice from leaders in the industry and people who have been there before you, reading articles to become more efficient & more comfortable & to become better at your marriage/job. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(And it's too bad we aren't incentivized to do all these things for our marriage the way we often are for our job.)</span> Because how to properly love someone and build a life alongside them is not knowledge we are programmed with at birth. It doesn't make you a failure to get help for your marriage, it just makes you resourceful and is an investment into your marriage - something you'd like to keep nice and shiny your entire life.<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">*also I totally acknowledge that marriage isn't in the cards for all people nor is marriage to the same person for life. Sometimes the BEST & most healthy thing for two people is to end their marriage and I am 110% supportive of these things.*</span></b></div>
Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-70615053631959810202018-06-25T15:24:00.000-05:002018-06-25T15:24:23.917-05:00Bad Mommy. (Crosby: 1.5 year update)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
For my first two kids I pretty well kept up with their growth and milestones on my blog. Third kid? Not so much. I can't remember the last time I updated about Crosby. Poor buddy!<br />
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So let me tell you a little bit about my buddy, Crosby, these days. He's a solid 20 months old - nearly 21 months - so we are somehow closing in on his second birthday. (HOW?!) And we're still breastfeeding. If it were entirely up to me then we would probably be done with it by now but Crosby is still really attached to nursing. I will - no doubt - miss it when we're done. Or at least parts of it. Like the closeness. And how Crosby automatically comes to me for comfort or a place to fall asleep. I can't wait to have a bit more personal space at the moment... but I know it'll be something I miss down the road.<br />
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It seems like Crosby will NEVER be done with "milkies" though. Molly weaned herself around 18-19 months of age and I had to cut Presley off at 23 months due to my pregnancy with Molly (I was so super ready for a break from BFing before starting all over again with Molly + I was so uncomfortable and sore during pregnancy) so we're not far off from the end of the other breastfeeding relationships in my life. I plan to write another breastfeeding blog one of these days...<br />
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Last month we <i><strike><span style="font-size: x-small;">finally</span></strike></i> got Crosby baptized. We were back in the Quad Cities (where we lived for 5 or so years) for Betsy's wedding and had Crosby baptized while we were in town. It was wonderful to have our Illinois friends and family there and meaningful to have him baptized at Christ the King -- a church with a lot of personal history for us.<br />
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That's Father Levitt. When Tony went through RCIA before our wedding I was lucky enough to sponsor him. Which meant I got to go to classes with him every week for several months. It was honestly <i>such</i> a great thing to go through together ahead of getting married. Father Levitt was at classes every week and I feel like we got to know him really well in that time period. Then came the Easter vigil and Tony experienced baptism, first communion, and confirmation - all with Father Levitt. A few weeks later Father Levitt married us. And then a year later he baptized Presley. There were so many beautiful, unforgettable moments that took place at Christ the King.<br />
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So when the opportunity presented itself to have Crosby baptized there by Father Levitt, I jumped at the chance. The baptism took place privately after mass and while I missed my favorite moment where Father says during mass, <i>"Welcome the newest member of our Catholic faith!"</i> -- it was really perfect and intimate and full of meaning for us. We asked my cousins, Drew and Breanne, to be his godparents. Both people who I can only hope my kids get the chance to know because they are some of my favorite people on the planet. Two loving, selfless, hilarious, kind-hearted people Crosby would be lucky to have in his corner. Two people who will be great guides for my little man throughout his life.<br />
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Crosby's vocabulary has really exploded lately. I really think Crosby could live off of beans - especially black beans. And milk, of course. He's still a little peanut... he's in a size 4 diaper and he's mostly in 24 month clothes. Oh... and he goes pee on the potty every so often! He'll tell us to put him on the potty and then he'll go! It's awesome and I love how proud he looks afterwards. He is OBSESSED with Daddy and Mommy. He loves his sisters like crazy. He loves his cousins & also looks up to his cousin Matthew in the <i>sweetest</i> way. Crosby loves to play in the water and thinks he is WAY BIGGER than he actually is in the water. It's already so difficult watching three kids in the water at once but when the younger two are literally FEARLESS it makes mommy a little uneasy!<br />
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So anyways -- that's the update on my little third born buddy boy who has a super neglected presence on my blog and so many empty pages in his baby book but who has a HUGE place in my heart and all the love he can handle from his family. I love you so much, Crosby Thomas. You are such a hilarious kid with an insanely unique personality and each day we get together I cherish because it's one more opportunity to get to know you. You are such a blessing to our family, big guy.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-32190365191550409742018-06-07T16:56:00.002-05:002018-06-07T17:22:36.341-05:00HBD, Dad.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My dad would have entered his <b>sixties</b> today.<br />
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Honest question here: What are you really supposed to do to celebrate the birthday of someone you love who has passed away? I ask because I'm honestly curious what other people think about it as well as how others spend those days.<br />
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If I were the dead one, I am sure I'd want the people who love and miss me to do something that makes <i>them</i> happy. And also something that makes them think of me. Something that would make other people happy.<br />
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This year I thought about it and figured 60 is a pretty monumental birthday. I wanted to do something for my dad's birthday that would honor him & his life... things he would maybe be doing if he were still alive today - mostly things that would bring other people joy because that's what he would be doing if he were still alive.<br />
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So I'm actively putting together a list of 60+ things to do for my dad's 60th birthday. Things that will make me happy. Ways to remember my dad... to honor him... to make it feel like there are little pieces of him still on earth that he left behind. Ways to make Grampa Scott more real for my kids. Little things, big things... things me and Dad did together and some of the things we didn't have time to do. It's a way to take one of those BIG "I miss you" moments and make it something happy and beautiful.<br />
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Here are some of the things on the list so far:<br />
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<li><b>Donate blood every 8-10 weeks.</b> I'm really NOT excited about this one. I have terrible veins and as a result really hate needles and giving blood or anything dealing with needles... but Dad was big on donating so I'm gonna give it a go.</li>
<li><b>Take the kids to Dairy Queen, Cici's Pizza, Backyard Burgers</b>... the places he used to work at and where I have memories of going to see him!</li>
<li><b>Take the kids to a hockey game.</b> My dad loved hockey and liked to go to games... he also loved to support local sports. I think he would have really loved having an NBA team in Memphis!!!</li>
<li><b>Take the kids to a redbirds game.</b> He loved baseball - especially the Cubs!</li>
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Once I get the list together I'm sure I'll post it in it's entirety... but those are some examples for now. If you have some ideas for the list, feel free to share because I'd love to hear them.<br />
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Happy birthday, Dad. <i>I love you.</i></div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-6939908785668246992018-05-02T02:53:00.000-05:002018-05-02T03:00:36.654-05:00Too Much.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I can't count the number of times recently where I felt like I just didn't<i> quite</i> belong. I walk away from an interaction with someone else thinking - what it is about me that people either just don't get or don't like? Was I not being friendly enough? Do I seem uncaring, unapproachable, unwelcoming? Am I just too boring? Or was I just being TOO much? Overly familiar? Too sensitive? Too loud? Too quiet?<br />
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Does anyone else feel like that? And when did that start? Because my girls are so unapologetically themselves. They seem so comfortable in their skin. And thank God for the many people around them allow them that space to be who they are. I look at them and hope that they never become smaller to fit inside any box someone else tries to place them in. I hope they aren't made to feel like they need to be any different than who they are right now.</div>
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In the end, I mostly chalk my hurt feelings up to being a product of my own <span style="font-size: x-small;">(many)</span> insecurities. It's taking me a little while to realize that it's okay to not always be liked. People are either going to like me or not and what someone else ultimately decides about me is out of my control. I'm not going to be everybody's cup of tea. "You are not for everyone....</div>
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...and that's okay. Talk to the people who can hear you." The words above from <a href="https://rebeccacampbell.me/you-are-not-for-everyone/">Rebecca Campbell</a> are absolute poetry in those moments where you feel rejected and need reminding that what you offer isn't going to be appreciated or accepted by every person you meet.</div>
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And incase you need the extra reminder from <a href="http://momastery.com/blog/2015/08/26/just-show-up/">Glennon</a> just as much as I do: "<b>You. Are. Not. TOO. Anything.</b> Just show up." Be you. FOR YOU. Not for anyone else. Love people and love yourself. Let people love you. And if the people you love don't love you back, then it's time for you to move on. Stop trying to make yourself fit into a box that is not shaped for you.</div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-13680607916347848092018-01-21T00:42:00.000-06:002018-01-21T01:11:03.966-06:00The Balancing Act.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So I have this great devotional for women "100 Days of Praise" and towards the end of 2011 (yep... over 6 years ago) I started reading and blogging along each day. And even though I've had over 2,000 days to complete the 100 days of praise... I only blogged about 9 of them. <b><u><span style="font-size: large;">NINE!</span></u> </b>Yikes. So here we go in a new year and my goal is to pick this book up and give it my focus and attention. It's so much easier to feel positive when you take a moment to give thanks for the good things in your life. My life is more fulfilling when I include God in it and make time for Him. And I'd like to thank a recent conversation with a lifelong friend of mine who pointed out that it's silly as heck to let my issues with a certain subset of Christians get in the middle of my relationship with Christ. So while I'm not entirely sure where I stand with organized religion and I'm on very shaky ground in my spiritual life... I am looking to repair much of that. Baby steps.<br />
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<b>Today's point of <a href="http://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/search/label/praise">praise</a></b>: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and <i>I will give you rest</i>. Take My yoke upon you and <i>learn from Me</i>, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30) <i>Day #10</i><br />
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Life is not a cake walk. It's a balancing act. It's about balancing responsibilities with fun. About balancing rest with work. Balancing who I am as a mother with who I am as an individual outside of that role. Trying to find balance in the amount of money coming in with what we spend every month. It's about balancing all kinds of things. On one side of the spectrum is over-commitment and the other there is under-commitment. When we give in to fear we often attempt <i>too little </i>in life and when we let our pride take over we attempt <b>too much</b>. When we attempt too much we stay busy and sometimes so busy that we bite off more than we can actually chew. It's an overwhelming pace. When we attempt too little we often regret the opportunities and moments we missed out on which can cause sorrow or guilt.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">"To do too much is as dangerous as to do nothing at all. <u>Both modes prevents us from savoring our moments</u>. One causes me to rush right past the best of life without recognizing or basking in it, and the other finds me sitting quietly while life rushes past me."</span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"> </span> </blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">Patsy Clairmont</span></div>
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In my life I often let fear into my heart and head and it often takes a front seat with full reign over my life. There is fear of rejection. Fear of germs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of judgment. And when we let our fear take over we lose. We lose the ability to try or to even just put ourselves out there. We take away our own <i>potential</i> happiness. Because of those fears we often don't even attempt the things we want for ourselves. And the same goes for those of us who err in the other direction. When we fail to listen to the messages God is sending for us we may be missing out on the balance we need. And we miss out on living our best, most rewarding life.<br />
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It's easy to get comfortable and complacent in our daily lives. The uncomfortable is more difficult, more complicated, and often requires personal growth - which is often accompanied with growing pains. Who wants to <i>willingly</i> welcome pain? Who wants to let the messiness of being our most authentic selves in?<br />
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What sounds better - an easy day or a difficult day? Kind of a no-brainer. Easy wins just about every time!<br />
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Now think about your most rewarding days... were they easy days or difficult days? Did that super important day require work to get you where you ended up? Were all the "growing pains" worth it? <b>Absolutely</b>.<br />
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When we include God in our everyday journey - through prayer/reflection - and when we trust in Him we have a better understanding of what contentment and balance looks like in our own life.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><i>Lord, let your priorities be my priorities.</i></span></div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-8021085372767736252018-01-16T14:08:00.001-06:002018-01-16T14:22:46.018-06:00Falling in {Young} Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Seventeen years ago this week, I was falling in love. And I was thirteen. People would tell me I was young and naive, that it wasn't really love, and more... and to be honest, I started to believe them. Not that what I was feeling wasn't genuine - because I never doubted that - but that maybe with time and age I would realize that it was more infatuation than actual love. That maybe it felt more intense because I had never experienced it before. <br />
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It was the weekend before Martin Luther King Day and my sister, Amanda - who was fifteen at the time, and I went on a ski trip with a church in our neighborhood. I'm not sure how many of us there were, but there were at least twenty of us in middle school and high school going on the ski trip - both guys and girls. My best friend, Christine, was going too and I was super excited to have a fun weekend away with her. Peyton & Damen were going and that meant Tony was going, too. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Because back in those days they went just about everywhere together.)</span> There were two vans to take the group of us from Memphis to Gatlinburg... my sister went into one with a bunch of the kids her age and I went into the other with my friends. Tony hadn't decided which one he was riding in and I was just PRAYING he would hop into mine. I remember one of the older girls telling Tony he should get in their van and I just remember feeling crushed. I don't know what exactly made him decide to get into the van I was in... but for WHATEVER reason we ended up in the same van I am so extremely thankful! It was on that trip in that moment that we got to know each other a little more, we became better friends, and made some fun memories. It was on that trip that I truly started falling in love with Tony. And what took place over that long weekend are things I'll never forget.<br />
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I think about one particular moment often - what if he would've chosen the other van? Would he have made those memories with someone else? And where would we be now? This story could've been one between him and someone else.<br />
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So, I thank God for Martin Luther King and everything he did to advance the lives of all humankind. The sacrifices he made and the extremely difficult, intensely beautiful journey he took. While that will always be the focus of the day for me, I can't help but remember how the long weekend holds a secret, special place in my heart and how it <i>always</i> will. And thank God for falling in young love.<br />
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-39218284871630991242017-12-19T00:27:00.000-06:002017-12-19T00:48:37.620-06:00Brain Dump.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There is so much going on at all times that what I need right now is an "empty" button for my brain. So, hold on tight because there is no telling where this post is headed...<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">#1 </span></i><br />
Presley gets her tonsils out soon. <i><strike>Like, next week.</strike></i> Before I could even publish this we ended up having to reschedule the procedure. So she'll still have to have her tonsils out but not until mid-January. And I have so many feelings about it.<br />
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Mostly, I am just worried about Presley having surgery. Are we making the best decision for her?<span style="font-size: x-small;"> (I think so.)</span> How is she going to react to the medicine? How in the hell are we all going to handle her recovery?! I'm sure it'll all fly by - these days usually do - but leading up to it I have so many worries. Especially knowing & loving Presley. She is just so precious. I hate seeing her hurting and this will be tough. It's nice knowing she gets to have popsicles and ice cream and all the fun things during this sucky time, though. And I know that this surgery is soooo common - especially for kids Presley's age. BUT! You worry about your kid being the ONE KID who has a complication. Oh and not to mention Presley's big worry... what if she can feel the pain during the surgery? That breaks my heart! Who wouldn't be scared of that happening? But how in the world did her five year-old little brain connect those dots all on her own?? And how do I put her worries at ease? We have talked about it somewhat and I plan on finding a YouTube video explaining the process of a tonsillectomy and recovery to give Presley a visual explanation of what to expect.<br />
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But there's a small part deep down in me that feels a little ready to have this done. That maybe it really will help her stay well more often. Not to mention the fact that one of her tonsils/glands is constantly swollen no matter what makes me ready to get them out.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">#2</span></i><br />
You know how people say this time of the year is the worst for germs? Well I can't remember a time when someone wasn't sick in this house! We've had puking. We've had unpleasant bathroom stuff. We've had so many snotty noses. We've had pink eye. We've had strep and tonsillitis. We've had pink eye... again! This is all within the last month or so. I am so grateful it is these minor illness and we bounce back. But then we fall right into the next pit waiting right ahead of us. It's been so incredibly draining and defeating. Again... so thankful for overall good health. So so <b>so</b> tired of germs. Currently 5/5 of our family members are ill to varying degrees with various ailments. Looking forward to Spring and it's not even technically winter yet...<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>#3</i></span><br />
I've been working on getting our Christmas cards out this year... usually I'm pumped and ready to go. Like I want to send them out RIGHT after Thanksgiving. This year I kinda waited and debated just saving the money and not sending them out. Thanks to tons of good deals and codes for Shutterfly and Tiny Prints that I got from various e-mail newsletter subscriptions we got several different, beautiful Christmas cards for <u>dirt</u> cheap this year. Unfortunately I'm still waiting on the last 1/2 of our Christmas cards - they got delayed or lost along the way - so if you haven't gotten a card from us yet don't worry. Or if you'd like to swap Christmas cards with us this year and we haven't in the past - just shoot me a text or email (aduggan520@gmail.com) and we'll get that going!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hNu98gpJFkM/Wjivdd3Q4SI/AAAAAAAAHFk/2SM2rDgYPTAFybdi3yhkKMBWEvGMH_0jgCEwYBhgL/s1600/25443220_784040193326_6279734525871847702_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hNu98gpJFkM/Wjivdd3Q4SI/AAAAAAAAHFk/2SM2rDgYPTAFybdi3yhkKMBWEvGMH_0jgCEwYBhgL/s320/25443220_784040193326_6279734525871847702_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Christmas cards through the years... 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, & 2016</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>#4</i></span><br />
And this is a big one... we've decided to homeschool Presley after the first of the year. This will more than likely require it's own blog post down the road <span style="font-size: x-small;">(why we chose to homeschool midyear, our plans going forward, etc) </span>but it's not something we've decided on a whim. And if you know me well enough, you know this has been on my heart for a long time now - before we even started Kindergarten this year. I will say that many things throughout the school year prompted this course of action. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated to be in full charge of Presley's academic learning but I have so much excitement and enthusiasm to get started.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>#5</i></span><br />
Tony and I went to see The Last Jedi last week and <b><u>IT WAS SO GREAT</u></b> and I already want to see it again. I don't want to spoil anything so I won't say more. But I thought the movie was so dynamic and different yet fit so well with the existing movies in the saga. It stands well in it's own right while working to tell a much bigger story. I love the new characters/animals/places. And mostly - and I know this might be selfish - but I just don't ever want those stories to end. In short, if you're on the fence about it... <br />
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GO. SEE. THIS. MOVIE.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">L: Us seeing The Force Awakens 12/2015 & R: Us seeing The Last Jedi 12/2017</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I asked Presley to make her "Rey" face and I think she nailed it</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>#6</i></span><br />
Christmas is SO FUN. We've been taking it easy this year and not being too busy or getting too crazy with things this year and that's been wonderful. When we do Christmas activities it makes me enjoy them THAT much more! My favorite things so far was visiting Alpine Village <span style="font-size: x-small;">(a local church puts together a free Christmas village WONDERFUL, interactive event for the community)</span>, checking out amazing local Christmas lights <span style="font-size: x-small;">(including Graceland!)</span>, and baking/decorating Christmas cookies. And the thing that makes all this so much fun? Our kids. Their varied but always excited reactions make the season so bright. And even though I mentioned these before... Christmas cards are the BEST. I love seeing everyone's different take & the family photos.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>#7</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> If you have a moment & anything to spare - change, prayers, anything - please consider directing them to the Manthe family. Reanna is a friend of mine & my heart is breaking hearing the latest news in her journey. <span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><img alt="" class="img" height="16" role="presentation" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/f86/2/16/1f494.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /> It</span>’s not fair. None of it. Reanna is funny & smart & has a beautiful family who love her & none of this has been easy on any of them but they seem to navigate each hurdle with so much strength or resolve or something I can’t seem <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">to find a word for. I wish I lived closer. I wish there were something more I could do. This is the very least I can do here to share her story & to ask anyone who is looking for a person or family to direct some Christmas kindness towards - I’ve found such a deserving family here. <a href="https://www.youcaring.com/reannamanthe-824212">Here</a> is the link to her YouCaring page to read more & for those who would like to donate.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">{A message from Reanna’s husband Nathan as of 12/16/2017: Well, this is the hardest post I’ve ever had to write. We took Reanna to Houston this week to consent for a new trial. We found out that this was not possible. We have found out that the journey will be coming to an end. Reanna has 8 weeks or less to live. We told the kids this evening and now we are sharing it with the rest of you. There are no treatments left for her. Reanna is still in Houston and we will be working to bring her home once we have hospice set-up here. We cannot thank you all enough for the support and help you have given us throughout this journey. We ask that people are here for the kids especially because they are least equipped to deal with this and need the most love. Reanna is an amazing person who will be missed. If you have questions please text me or message me. Love you and thank you all.}</span></div>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-46872212805489676082017-11-20T05:00:00.000-06:002017-11-20T05:00:02.666-06:00Chores {Marriage Monday}<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<i>In an attempt to put off some housework I should currently be doing I'll instead write a blog post about chores...</i><br />
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Before we had kids and we had unlimited time to talk about our relationships, my sister and I had a conversation about duties around the house. Do you split them up evenly? Do you share the tasks? Do you have set, specific chores you do regularly? Or do you switch them up?</div>
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My sister was of the mindset that if her and her husband switched up the tasks and didn't assign specific chores to "his or hers" then they wouldn't get burnt out on them. Which is a good idea in theory. But was about six years and three kids ago. And I'm pretty sure they have designated chores these days. </div>
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For the most part we have our assigned chores around here. He takes out the trash. {<a href="http://theduggans2011.blogspot.com/search/label/Reasons%20I%20Love%20My%20Husband">Reason #15 I love my husband</a>: He takes out our yucky trash for me!} I do the dishes. He's supposed to be in charge of the laundry. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(I loathe the laundry.)</span> Which mostly means he will put them in the washer & dryer & then once they're clean they sit in a basket for the longest time. To be fair - we have way too many clothes. It makes me want to throw them away and live minimally - just have capsule, versatile wardrobes. I really think that if we had a more functional laundry room that I would enjoy the task a little more. I do the cooking. He mows the lawn. I do the grocery shopping. We both do bedtime for the kids. <span style="font-size: x-small;">(Or is that not supposed to be considered a chore...) </span></div>
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It just makes me wonder what it's like in other households. Do you guys switch up the housework or is it usually done by the same person each week? Or is it more like our house and you just put off all the chores until you absolutely have to do them?</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tony once fell asleep while in the middle of reading his anniversary card from me. That's talent. But this is what we would all rather be doing instead of doing chores. Sleeping.</td></tr>
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Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03476033462621809611noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8359647282948346220.post-28451328396527944642017-11-03T00:27:00.000-05:002017-11-03T00:27:26.650-05:00Life Lately.So it has been a while since I've been on this thing. I feel bad about that.<br />
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Well, we've got a five year-old, a three-year old, and a one year-old. All are doing amazing things in their own stages...<br />
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<b>Presley</b>: Miss Presley. She is resilient. She's on her third kindergarten teacher this year. The first one wasn't a good fit and there were more kids that signed up than expected so a new teacher was hired. I offered for Presley to move classes so off we went to teacher number two. She stuck around a few weeks and for personal reasons she stepped away from the position. So... lucky #3. Her current teacher seems to be a great fit personally, so we will see how this thing shakes out. I hope and pray her teacher puts her heart and soul into teaching these babies. They deserve it. Presley is so smart and loves to learn but the second she feels anything but perfect in her schoolwork she becomes pretty upset. Clearly something we'll have to work on. I want so much for learning to be fun for her and for her to not have to work about perfection. We really haven't loved her school this year so we are going to try to get her into another school next year and if that doesn't pan out I really am considering home schooling. OH! And she recently lost her first tooth!! She's got three more wiggly teeth, too.<br />
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<b>Molly</b>: Phew. This kid has such a big heart. She's so damn funny without even trying or realizing. Her personality is big and her feelings are big. At this point it feels like she'll be in pull-ups for the rest of her life! She poops on the potty every time but pee? It seems like most of the time she doesn't even realize when she pees. But she has started to write her name and HOLY CRAP it's fantastic!!!! She's three. She is such a smart kid! She's a little sponge and the things Presley is learning Molly picks up so quickly. She is quirky and beautiful and moody and her smile can light up a room. I can't wait to send her to preschool next year and see her flourish and to start to really learn boundaries, too. (She is a boundary pusher whereas Presley is a rule follower!) But we have got to master this potty training business first...<br />
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<b>Crosby</b>: Another kid with a megawatt personality. (Of course I'm bias.) He's really showing us who he is lately and it's so wonderful getting to know him. Then again he's currently in the stage where he pushes every single limit all day everyday. It makes the days extra long and my patience extra thin. But at the end of every day it is worth it and I love these kids so much. Crosby cracks all of us up. He's also a fan of climbing all the things possible. Which believe it or not we have an extraordinary amount of things to climb in this house. His first birthday came and went in a shock. I've got some catching up to do in all their baby books... Presley's only goes up to the first day of school so once I get caught up I will be done with hers.... what. the. heck. That went fast. Crazy to think how fast Molly and Crosby are getting older, too. Speaking of his sisters - Crosby adores them. His relationship with each of them is different and beautiful. He absolutely loves his daddy these days. And he loves mommy. He is a big sweetheart but man does he already have a temper when things don't go his way!<br />
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Things with Tony's job aren't going so well. He already works so much and now they're just finding out their hours are increasing... again. It's<i> always</i> something up there. Since they are commission based pay their employers can do some pretty unethical practices legally. It's frustrating as hell. 11 hour days are STUPID long days. He's doing that five days a week, sometimes six days a week depending on the week. That's excessive. And frustrating. And lonely. I feel so much of the time of my life the last four years that we're drowning in so many aspects. We can't catch up on anything. Not to mention our marriage doesn't fair well at this pace. I see that it has such a negative impact on us and I know how fragile love is, how short life can be. I want to make changes to make a happier life for ourselves but how do you do that when you depend on the paycheck? It makes it more difficult to make changes. I've considered finding child care for the kids and getting a job as well so that he could take a pay cut to take a job that takes better care of him than his current employers do.<br />
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Since we don't really love the experience we've had in Presley's current school we've tossed around the idea of possibly trying to move to a more desirable school district. I'm not sure if that is a possibility for us financially at the moment, but I wish (for many reasons) that we could make it work. I don't know... lately I am just waiting for something to change. For something to get better. Or truly for the other shoe to drop. It feels like at any moment things could just start falling apart for us. We're holding on in so many aspects by tape and glue. Truly.<br />
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Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and that's amazing. It's a mood lifter. This time of year is special. Thank goodness. My 30th birthday is right around the corner and it's weird to think I'm getting older. I'm grateful for another year to look forward to and another year behind me. But sometimes it feels like I stopped being me or stopped existing as me a while back. Maybe when I started having kids. Like part of your being just stops there. Maybe this feeling will pass once they're out of the young stage but I have a feeling that won't be the case.<br />
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We've loved living so close to Amanda & family!!! Absolutely love it. It makes living farther from Ashley hurt a little more, that's for sure. Makes us miss her more. We're itching to get out to visit but it seems like none of us can stay healthy long enough for that... we're all currently in various stages of sick!<br />
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I'll leave you with some photos of life lately. I'll try not to pick too many!<br />
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